


The Nitrams

by kaybee



Series: A Year In The Life [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bisexual Male Character, Bullying, Humanstuck, Multi, Physical Disability, basically everyone - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-24
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-04-23 03:46:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 31,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4861784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaybee/pseuds/kaybee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Skaia High is full of a strange assortment of characters; the douchebag who plays guitar (badly) to pick up chicks, the 17-year old who still carries around Pokémon cards, but everyone finds him attractive regardless, the girl who became a certified lifeguard at 14, the disguised albino, the girl who’s best friend blinded her in 7th grade, and a myriad of other odd friends. They are slowly finding their way, paving their paths as they grow up. This is a compilation of their stories.<br/>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br/>Both of the Nitram boys have self-confidence issues. In the eldest, it results in him procrastinating on accepting himself, and in the youngest it results in him putting up with far more bullying than he deserves. It's a journey of self-acceptance that the two share. But they can't help but wonder if they're sabotaging their personal lives along the way</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Closet is Deep

     Thin walls made for uncomfortable confrontation. That was the dilemma Tavros found himself in when, for the better part of an afternoon he could hear his brother practicing a speech in the mirror on the other side of the bedroom wall.  
     “Mom, Dad… I… I’m bisexual,” Rufioh’s voice carried through both bedrooms. Tavros didn’t _want_ to be eavesdropping, but he couldn’t really help it. A door slammed, and Tavros wheeled out of his room a little ways to find Rufioh pacing in the hallway. “This is a bad plan. _Bad_ plan.”  
     “Rufioh? Is everything… okay?” Tavros asked, scooting forward a little bit. Rufioh jumped a bit, turning to face his brother.  
     “O-oh, yeah, fine. I’m uh… just… how much of that did you hear?”  
     “Are you… uhm. Were you practicing coming out?”  
     Rufioh sighed. “Yeah. Yep, guess I was. But… I don’t think I’m ready to. S’pose I’m out to you now, though, huh…” he muttered.  
     “I don’t think it’s a big deal. You’re still the same person. You’re still my brother. You should tell Mom and Dad.”  
     Rufioh ran a hand through his red-tinted spikes. “I know I should. I’m just afraid, is all.”  
     “They won’t, um, look at you in a different way.”  
     Rufioh stepped behind his brother’s wheelchair, and pushed him into the main family room. “I can just hear mom- ‘you’ve never even dated a guy. How would you know-‘ blah blah blah. Like they’d even know…”  
     Tavros shrugged. “It’ll be fine.”  
     “Tav, I’m just- ugh, I’m just trying to work up the courage to say something. Not that they’d be around when I _do_ get the nerve.” At that moment, the boys head their garage door open and the car pull in. “Don’t say anything, Tav. Promise me you won’t.”  
     Tavros just nodded at Rufioh as their parents came into the door, arms full of grocery bags.  
     “Hi!” Rufioh said through a forced smile.  
     “Hey boys,” Samuel answered. “Rufioh, go help your mother unload the rest of the car.” Rufioh nodded and went outside, leaving Tavros looking at his father with a shy smile. “Something wrong, Tav?”  
   “No! No.”  
     “Huh.”

 

     The four Nitrams had a family dinner that night that consisted mostly of Tavros faking his composure extraordinarily well and Rufioh waiting for an opening to that conversation, yet quietly hoping there wouldn’t be one.  
   “School starts tomorrow,” Magnolia noted. “You boys ready?”  
     “Of course, Mom,” Rufioh murmured.  
     “I’m actually a bit nervous, um, to start high school,” Tavros stuttered.  
   “Aw, don’t be nervous,” Sam said, with a bit of a chuckle.  
     “I… um… you’re right. I’m sure I’ll be fine.”  
     “Good, good.”  
     A silence settled around the dinner table until Sam cleared his throat, clearly getting ready to announce something. “We got a call earlier about some abandoned dogs,” he said, “and your mother and I have to drive out early tomorrow morning and see what’s going on with that.”  
     “You’re leaving?” Tavros asked. “You guys just got back last week.”  
     “I know. It won’t take long.”  
     “In the meantime, Mr. Boxcars will be here to help you guys out,” Magnolia said with a smile. Rufioh’s face fell into a scowl.  
     “Mom, I’m 17 years old- do we really need a- a babysitter?” he complained.  
     “Really? You want to drive everywhere, haul his chair around, run the errands? Your job when we’re out of town is to look out for your brother at school.”  
     “I just mean, do you think I’m so irresponsible that I _wouldn’t_ do all those things? Have some faith; I’m practically an adult.”  
     “Tink… maybe we should let the boys stay on their own this time,” Sam tried to reason with her.  
     “No!”  
     “Mom, I-”  
     “It’s not you I’m worried about, Rufioh.” Magnolia took a deep breath. “I just… would feel better if there was someone here to keep an eye on you. Mr. Boxcars will be here in the morning.”  
   “But-”  
     “No, Rufioh! That’s the end of the discussion,” she said, very curtly, and she stood up and started to clear the dishes from the table. Rufioh groaned and slunk off into his room, a door not quite slamming behind him. Tavros sighed and wheeled himself away to his own room. He was nervous about school starting, but it wasn’t so much school itself that made him nervous. It was the prospect of seeing Vriska, every day. He liked her… kind of.  
     Tavros’ phone went off. Pesterchum.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began pestering adiosToreador [AT]

AG: Hey, toreadumbass.  
AG: Let’s go for a walk.  
AT: Uhhhhhh  
AG: I mean, I’ll push your stupid chair. I just need to get out of my house.  
AT: Ok, i guess thats fine  
AG: Cool, I’m outside.

arachnidsGrip [AG]  ceased pestering  adiosToreador [AT] 

     Tavros rolled his eyes, but he grabbed a light coat and wheeled himself outside anyway, and Vriska was, in fact, waiting for him.  
     “Hey, loser,” she said, smiling. A smile was a good sign. Maybe she wouldn’t be crazy that night. Despite the fact that she’d been bullying him for years, Tavros was inexplicably attracted to Vriska. Maybe it was the fact that she _was_ quite attractive, even with the bandages that covered her permanently-closed left eye, and prosthetic arm, or maybe it was the fact that she oozed confidence and that was something Tavros admired about her. He smiled back.  
     “Hey Vriska,” he said, wheeling up next to her. “You… dyed your hair?”  
     “Yeah, isn’t it just the coolest?” Vriska asked, flipping a strand of hair over her shoulder. She was a natural blonde, but the ends were now a cerulean blue, almost matching the one eye remaining behind her round-framed glasses. Vriska walked beside Tavros, letting him push his own chair as they went down the street towards a park.  
     “So… you ready? For, uh, school tomorrow, I mean,” Tavros asked. Vriska’s smile dropped to a frown.  
     “School starts tomorrow?” she asked with a panic in her voice.  
     “Yeah. You didn’t know?”  
     “No, my mom is… so clueless. And Aranea has been too wrapped up in her own business to keep me in the loop on _anything_. Such a fucking bookworm,” Vriska muttered. “Shit! I can’t believe I forgot!”  
     “W- um, I have some extra… notebooks and… stuff. Maybe you could use it until you can go supply-shopping.”  
     “Don’t be stupid, Tavros. I’m not looking for charity,” Vriska sneered. “I’ll take care of it myself.”  
     “I was only trying to help.”  
     “Well, maybe I don’t need your help.”  
     “If you say so,” Tavros muttered. Vriska just rolled her eyes at him. A slick quietness settled between them, Vriska crumpling her face as she thought of a way to break the silence. She glanced over at Tavros for a moment.  
     “Brr, it’s getting chilly out,” she said surreptitiously.  
     “Yeah… do you wanna head home?”  
     “No.”  
     “Uh…Okay…”  
     Vriska scowled. “I _said_ I’m _cold,_ numbnuts.”  
     “Uhh…”  
     “Are you going to offer me your coat or not?”  
     “Oh! Oh, yeah, here,” Tavros answered. He started to take his sweater off, leaning forward in his chair as he did so. The wheelchair slid underneath him, slid until it _wasn’t_ underneath him, and Tavros was stomach-down on the ground, his sweater halfway off. Vriska couldn’t help but laugh.  
     “Tavros, that was just. So pathetic. Hahaha, you look so sad right now!”  
     “You could, uh, help me up?” Tavros muttered, propping himself up on his elbows. It was unfortunate he had a tendency to speak fairly quietly. Vriska just kept giggling as he crawled close enough to his chair to pull himself up. He pulled his sweater sleeve back on and straightened himself out.  
     “Wow, toreadork, that’s some mad upper-body strength you got.” Tavros glanced at Vriska.  
     “Well, it _is_ a manual chair. I mean, I, uh, spend a lot of time pushing my own weight around.”  
     Vriska gave a light chuckle. “You just look like you have the muscle density of a twig.” Tavros frowned at her.  
     “Maybe we should just head back,” Tavros suggested. Vriska let out a loud groan.  
   “Yeahhhhhhhh. You’re not wrong. I just don’t _want_ to go back home.” She stood behind Tavros then, and started pushing his chair, heading back down the street to his house.  
     “Why do you want to avoid your house so badly?” he asked. Vriska scoffed.  
     “Have you _met_ my mom? Remember how ‘torn up’ she was when I was in the hospital? That she didn’t even want to discuss payment options for a fake eye? She just let them sew it up! And she’s been acting even screwier than usual lately. My aunt Snowman has been bugging her out.”  
     “Snowman?”  
     “I don’t even know her real name! _God_ my family is so fuckin’ weird. You’re lucky, Tavros, with your dumb nuclear family.”  
     Tavros sighed. “No family is perfect.”  
     “Yeah, well, better than mine. Ugh. I _should_ probably go, though.”  
     “Okay. Night, Vriska.”  
     “Psh, see you later, you fucking dweeb.” Vriska shook her head, smiling, then walked off the porch and into the night. Tavros sighed before going inside for bed.

     Everything was a bigger hassle than it should be for Tavros, because of the chair. The Nitrams had slowly been changing the structure of the house to be more wheelchair-friendly, adding ramps and widening doorways, to make things easier on Tavros, but there were still daily activities that would take him longer, and those things would never change. Like changing his clothes. Tavros _could_ do it himself, but it often took close to 5 minutes to get pants on. Getting in to bed was also a challenge. Tavros frowned as he pulled his bed covers back. That stupid plastic sheet. It was almost mocking him. Well, he shrugged it off, there was nothing to do about it. Tavros went to bed, hoping school the next day didn’t drag him down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so here is the beginning of The Nitrams! It's kinda lackluster, but I feel it introduces this familial situation in an adequate way. Chapters should be somewhat easier to write now because I have a springboard from "The Megidos" and have a rough timeline of what events happen at what point.  
> The design of the series is that once it's all written, you can read it in any order and still have all the dots connect. That being said, conversations are going to be repeated between them.  
> ALSO unrelated but I polished the last few chapters of "The Megidos" as there were minor inconsistencies.  
> ANYWAY here we go with Part Two; enjoy!


	2. Girls Are Crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tavros' first day at high school, and he meets some very strange kids.

     Mr. Boxcars was there in the morning. He was a larger man, and could be quite intimidating, but he was a good neighbor. Still, the boys knew he’d rather be doing anything else besides watching them.  
     Tavros rolled out of his room once he’d gotten dressed, and joined Rufioh at the breakfast table.  
     “Mornin’, bro,” Rufioh said through a mouthful of pancakes.  
     “Morning. You feeling better about, uh, last night?”  
     Rufioh shrugged. “Mom and Dad are gone again, so I guess I just don’t need to worry about it for now.”  
     Mr. Boxcars sat down at the table, too, giving a surly frown behind his coffee mug. “Hey Tav,” he grunted, “saw ya with a girl on the doorstep last night.”  
     “Oh. That was just, uh, just Vriska,” Tavros answered, pulling some pancakes onto his own plate.  
     “You didn’t kiss her.” Rufioh nearly did a spit take at Harold’s remark. “You like her?”  
     Tavros was baffled. “I- I… I don’t know, I, um, I kinda like her but, uh, at the same time, she’s also, um, kind of a bully.”  
     “Kiss ‘er, you runt. Don’t be a wimp.”  
     “I don’t, um, know if I can do that.”  
     Harold just shook his head in disappointment and took a sip of coffee. Tavros shot a panicked glance at Rufioh, who just shrugged at him and finished his breakfast.

     Getting to school was an operation, as it usually was, though it was more convenient that Tavros and Rufioh went to the same school now. Rufioh helped Tavros into the car before buckling himself into the front seat, while Harold folded Tavros’ wheelchair up and threw it in the trunk. There was the benefit of getting to use the handicap spot in the drop-off lane, but that was the _only_ benefit. Rufioh let himself out of the car, while Tavros could do nothing but wait. He heard metal scraping and Mr. Boxcars grunting, and then a female voice.  
     “Mr. Boxcars!” the girl exclaimed. Tavros turned, trying to look out the window.  
     “Eh, go ahead, your hands are smaller anyway.”  
     The girl unfolded Tavros’ chair on the sidewalk, then smiled in the window at him. Tavros smiled back. It was Aradia. They’d been friends for a really long time; since before Tavros’ accident. They used to roleplay at the park with Terezi and Vriska, and Rufioh taught them Pokémon at one point. Now the closest they got to roleplaying was the occasional match of _Dungeons and Dragons_ , and Aradia hardly played anymore.  
     Tavros transferred himself to his chair and hung his backpack on one handle. It made him terribly unbalanced, but didn’t topple him over. Yet. Aradia pushed his chair while Rufioh walked next to them.  
     “So, what’s Mr. Boxcars doing watching you guys?” Aradia asked. Rufioh scoffed.  
     “Mom and Dad are on a business trip,” Tavros answered.  
     “Tried to tell them, I’m 17 now and we don’t need a babysitter,” Rufioh added, “but they insist.”  
     “How’s Damara?” Tavros asked. He saw Aradia and Rufioh’s eyes meet. Tavros knew Damara was hard to deal with. Quite frankly, they were lucky Rufioh hadn’t ended up in a wheelchair, too, when Damara flipped her shit.  
     “Oh, you know…” Aradia said.  
     “Crazy as ever?” Rufioh asked, stifling a laugh. Aradia smiled and nodded at him.  
     As the trio continued down the hallway, a boy who looked about Rufioh’s age appeared next to them. Tavros vaguely recognized him. Horuss, he thought his name might be? There was a hushed conversation between the two that Tavros couldn’t quite catch most of.  
     “Really, right now?” Rufioh said. Horuss nodded. “Um, alright. See ya later, Tav.”  
     “Oh, ok. Bye, Rufioh.”  
     Tavros and Aradia continued to their lockers, which happened to be near each other.  
     “So, what’s your schedule?” Tavros asked as he opened his locker. Aradia checked, reading off a slip of paper in her binder.  
     “Um, Biology, Spanish, Geometry, English, P.E., and History,” she said. Tavros fumbled with his books, shoving them into his locker. He looked at his own schedule, seeing if they shared any of the same classes.  
     “Let’s see, um… no… oh! Cool; we have English together!” he said, grinning. Aradia smiled back at him. Tavros was excited. The day was off to a good start. The bell rang, and the two friends went opposite ways, Tavros ready for class.  
     “Bye, Tavros, see you at lunch!” Aradia called.

     Tavros wasn’t very speedy in the halls, or very maneuverable. Lots of people just bumped into him, and lots of _other_ people stared. It was frustrating, yes, but quite frankly, Tavros was used to it. He got stared at everywhere he went. Tavros made it to class just barely on time. History wasn’t his favorite class, but he glanced around and spotted Terezi, and figured it wouldn’t be all that bad. Terezi glanced over and saw Tavros, too, and moved one of the chairs next to her to make room for him.  
     “Hey, Tavros,” Terezi said in her shrill voice.  
     “Hi,” Tavros answered.  
     The teacher drew attention to herself, and started class, handing out the syllabus. “Good morning everyone, welcome to Skaia High! My name is Ms. Merrick and this is our World History class. Okay, now I’ve given you all a copy of the syllabus. Let’s just go over that.” Terezi raised her hand. “Yes… Terezi?”  
     “Do you have a copy of this in Braille?”  
     “Hmm?”  
     “Ms. Merrick, I’m blind.” An awkward laugh rolled around the classroom.  
     “Ah, right. I will take care of any accommodations you need. And for you, as well, uh, Tavros.”  
     Tavros blushed. “I’m uh, fine, thanks.”

     The next few classes were more of the same. Syllabus readings and teachers not knowing how to react to Tavros. Especially in his second class, P.E. He wasn’t sure why he’d even been forced to take P.E. Not that he minded the exercise, but that he couldn’t _do_ half of it. Sollux was in the same class as him, as were Kanaya and Feferi. Sollux probably wouldn’t do half of the workouts anyway, so at least Tavros had someone to talk to. Biology was Tavros’s third class of the day, and he shared a lab table with Nepeta, Equius, and… ugh. Eridan. Eridan was such a prick. Tavros was sure he had his own issues, but… he also had a tendency to be 1) a bit of a bully, 2) arrogant due to his wealth and 3) an overenthusiastic flirt. Nobody had any idea why Feferi put up with him. 4th period was English, where Tavros met up with Aradia again, and Vriska. He could only imagine what Vriska could come up with in a highly interpretation-based class. Thankfully, Vriska sat on the other side of Aradia, leaving her in the middle of Vriska and Tavros. On Tavros’s other side, another girl sat, and he was instantly enamored with her. She had long black hair that framed her tan face so perfectly, and brilliantly green eyes; the kind of green that grew at the beginning of spring. She glanced over at Tavros, who was all but staring at her. She looked a bit taken aback for a moment, but then smiled a small, buck-toothed smile and introduced herself.  
     “Hi, I’m Jade!” she said, bubbling and cheerful.  
   “H-hi, I’m Tavros,” he managed to say, blithely unaware of the jealous look Vriska was shooting him and Jade.

     After English class, they went to lunch. Tavros, Aradia and Vriska went to save a table for the rest of their friends, Tavros waving goodbye to Jade as she met up with her own friends. Tavros sat at the end of the table, his chair turned inwards as the two girls took part of a bench.  
     “So, Aradia, how’s life?” Vriska asked, making the question sound much longer than was necessary. Tavros tried to mind his own business. Aradia and Vriska had a messy history, and it was a wonder they even tolerated each other.  
     “Living with Damara is just peachy compared to you sometimes,” Aradia answered. Tavros was laughing inside his head, but was almost afraid to say anything out loud.  
     “What? I’m awesome and you know it.”  
     “Mhm, mhm, and I’m sure Tavros just loved being paralyzed from your ‘awesomeness’.”  
     Vriska fiercely scowled at Aradia. “You can’t prove shit, Droog. It was a freak accident and we all know it.” Tavros still didn’t say anything. He hated when they used him as a point of argument. Vriska definitely had a hand in the accident, but everyone was so determined to blame her even though Tavros had never said anything, and nobody else was there at the time. Vriska was starting to get angry, and Aradia just stopped responding. Thankfully, before Vriska could get too adamant and go on a senseless rant, Sollux and Gamzee came to the table.  
     “Scoot over, Serket,” Sollux demanded.  
     “You’re not the boss of me.”  
     “Vriska. Move.”  
     “Ugh, fiiiiiiiine,” Vriska huffed as she made room for him next to Aradia. Everyone else came out of class slowly and joined them at the table, though with 12 it was a bit of a tight squeeze. And then lunch ended, and everyone went off their own ways to class. Tavros’ next class was Spanish, which he shared with Karkat and Gamzee. All three of them sat in the back; Karkat because he _always_ sat in the back, Gamzee because he was just sitting next to Karkat, and Tavros because of the extra space in the back of the classroom. It was a better fit for his wheelchair. He wound up sitting between Gamzee, with Karkat on the other side of him, and some douche who wouldn’t take his glasses off, even though they were inside. Tavros couldn’t help but glance over a couple times, though he couldn’t tell if the boy was looking back. After the teacher went through his syllabus, he let the students talk a bit to get to know each other.  
     “Um… hi…” Tavros said.  
     “Oh my god, you sound like a tool.”  
     “Sorry?”  
     “This is so weak. I shouldn’t even waste good material on you. It’s like. You’ve got nothing. You wanna start shit? You don’t know anything about me.”  
     “Um. I’m not… really sure what you’re… talking about.”  
     “You checking me out? At what point in the future am I supposed to look forward to you whipping up this titanic hankering for my knob?”  
     “Uh…”  
     “Be honest with me, because I’m busy. I just need to know when to be there when the stars come into alignment and you finally decide to sate your meteoric greed for crotch-dachshund.”  
     “I… guess I’ll leave you alone? You have some… bees in your bonnet about your sexuality.”  
     “No, no dude. You sassed me up. We are in _the shit_ now. Together. For the long haul.”  
     “I… what?”  
     “We’re motherfucking entrenched in this bitch. You and me. Welcome to ‘Nam. Now grab my hand before Charlie gets the fucking drop.”  
     “Who’s Charlie?”  
     “He’s the guy who’s gonna read our vows. I’m feeling pretty frigging _matrimonial_ all a sudden. Take a look down by your foot; see that little bottle? Stomp on that shit like it’s on fire. Noisy ethnic dudes are flipping the fuck out and waving us around on chairs ‘til someone gets hurt.”  
     “Oh my god…”  
     The sunglasses kid kept going on this weird tangent full of nonsensical metaphors, but after a time Tavros just tuned him out. He left class with Gamzee and Karkat, who couldn’t help but ask what the hell Tavros’ entire conversation was about.  
     “I just…never want to talk to that kid again,” Tavros answered.

     Thank goodness, after that, he only had one class left, and it was geometry. Tavros was good at geometry, and he shared it with Terezi, Eridan and Feferi. Luckily there was not another sighting of the sunglasses kid, because Tavros would have no idea how to handle it. After school, Mr. Boxcars came to pick up Rufioh and Tavros. Rufioh had a look of mass distress on his face, but Tavros chose not to ask in that moment. When they got home, Tavros made himself Instant Mac n’ Cheese and went to do some leisure reading in his room. If day one was anything to go off of, it was going to be a long school year.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honesty just couldn't resist using that "welcome to 'Nam" pesterlog it is one of my favorite conversations in all of Homestuck


	3. The Nitrams' Guide to Dating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Nitram boys are not good with relationships

     Sam and Magnolia came back that weekend, and Rufioh was back to sweating bullets around them. He sat on Tavros’s bed on Saturday night, head in his hands.  
     “I don’t know what to do, Tavros,” he muttered.  
     “What’s wrong?”  
     “Horuss. He pulled me aside on the first day of school and said he wanted to meet my family. He thinks I’m not…”  
     “I… don’t understand,” Tavros said, glancing over at his brother. “Horuss?”  
     “Shit… yeah, Horuss. We hung out a lot over the summer, and then it was… not just hanging out, and before I know it, he’s talking about us being boyfriends. So I was kind of dating him in secret, but now he’s saying he wants to meet you guys, but I can’t… bring him here to Mom and Dad. I just. Ugh, I don’t know what to do.”  
     “I--”  
     “And the thing is that I’m not even sure I like him that much. He’s super-clingy sometimes. I just don’t want to ruin another relationship.”  
     “Yeahh… what happened with Damara? She just… lost her temper and gave you a black eye this summer?”  
     Rufioh grimaced. “Yeah. Crazy chick.”  
     Tavros sighed. “You have to tell Mom and Dad at some point, but if you don’t like Horuss…”  
     “Trust me, Tav, I’ve tried ending it but he just looks at me like… like a sad puppy. I can’t do it.” Rufioh sighed and laid back on the bed, letting himself sink into the pillows. “Sorry, bro. I had to get it off my chest, and you’re the only person I can talk to about this. Anyway. How about you? Any girls?”  
     Tavros thought for a moment. “Vriska,” he muttered.  
     Rufioh scoffed. “Honestly, I don’t even know why Mom and Dad let you hang around her after what she did.”  
     “She was… sorry. It was a freak accident.”  
     “The only freak thing about it was her. But hey, if that’s the kind of girl you want…”  
     “I don’t know. And, uh, there’s this other girl, in my English class. Jade. She’s… so cute. And smart. I’ve seen sketches, uh, in her notebook. Blueprints.”  
   “Well, ask her out.”  
     “You make it sound… uh… easy.”  
     Rufioh shrugged. “What about Aradia?”  
     “That’s, uh, silly. Aradia is my best friend, besides Gamzee. Besides, even if I did, uh, like her in that way, she doesn’t like me in, um, that way.”  
   “How do you know?”  
   “Because, um, she likes someone else.”  
   “Oh.” Rufioh sat up on the bed. “Well, thanks for listening, Tav. I should probably get to my homework, though,” he said, leaving Tavros’s room.  
     “Yeah... me too,” Tavros muttered, turning towards his computer. Now that he was thinking about Aradia, she hadn’t been herself lately. Before Tavros started homework, he pulled up Pesterchum, glancing at his chumroll. Her screenname was grey. He knew she wouldn’t answer, even if she did come online, but he still needed to be there for his friend, as she’d been there for him through everything.

 

adiosToreador [AT] began pestering apocalypseArisen [AA]

AT: hey, aradia  
AT: just wanted to see how you were doing  
AT: i know youve been kind of,  
AT: down lately  
AT: if you ever want to do something, to cheer yourself up  
AT: like magic or d&d  
AT: you know where to find me!  
AT: feel better  
AT: um,,,bye

adiosToreador [AT] ceased pestering apocalypseArisen

     Tavros sighed. There was nothing more he could do but say that he was there for her. And he wanted her to be okay because they were friends, but also because he really valued her opinion and needed advice about Vriska, and Jade. Oh well.

     At lunch on Monday, Tavros mulled over his food. Karkat was as grumpy as ever, and that only got worse when a messy-haired kid waved over at him and invited himself over to their table.  
     “Hey, Karkat!” the boy smiled. It was very familiar, looking almost like Jade’s smile.  
     “I’m sorry, did I fucking invite you to sit here, Egbert?” Karkat grumbled. Three more kids came on ‘Egbert’s’ heels, Tavros recognizing two of them. One of the girls was Jade, and the other boy was the douche from Tavros’s Spanish class. The other girl was shorter and a bit rounder than Jade. short blonde hair falling quite neatly just above her eyes, underneath a lilac headband. The three of them sat down at the table. Tavros shot a smile at Jade, and avoided the other boy’s gaze.  
     “Oh fuck no, you three?” the sunglasses kid said, gesturing at Tavros, Gamzee and Karkat. “These are the pricks from my Spanish class.” Tavros rolled his eyes. Sunglasses kid was the prick in the equation.  
     “Come on, Dave, Karkat isn’t so bad!” John said, smiling.  
     “Whatever,” Dave grumbled. Tavros chose to be diplomatic.  
     “Hey, I’m Tavros,” he said, extending a hand to shake.  
     “‘sup. ‘m Dave.”  
     The other kids formally introduced themselves as the rest of the table began to fill up. It was going to get even tighter on space with 16 of them, but it was manageable. Jade and John and Dave and Rose- the blonde girl- sat with them consistently for the next couple months, and then the end of September rolled around and everyone started talking about the homecoming dance.  
     “Boys, who’re you all gonna ask? Or have you already?” Feferi gushed. She adored social aspects of school, and Tavros was sure a school dance was the perfect thing for her to get excited about. Nobody answered right away, and it was mostly because if they were planning on asking somebody, that somebody was at the table with them, leaving the answer to be mostly “well...” and “ummmmm” until Gamzee chuckled.  
     “I ain’t asking nobody, gonna go with my motherfuckin’ self and have a good time,” he said. Why was he always high?  
     “O-oh,” Feferi answered. “Um, what about you, Karkat?”  
     “Don’t put me on the spot!” Karkat snipped. He did nervously glance over at Terezi, and Tavros knew the two of them were an on-and-off couple, so of course Karkat was going to ask her. Or Terezi would ask him. It was always hard to tell with them. “What about you, princess? Who are you going with?”  
     “Oh, I already told Eridan I would go with him,” she said, smile ever-present.  
     “Not worth the time,” Vriska sneered. “He’s such a fucking pain; I can’t believe I ever dated him.”  
     “Because you were so _fuckin’ peachy_ , right, Vris?!” Eridan shouted.  
     “Eridan, hush,” Feferi said. “He’s not so bad. Anyway...what about you, John?”  
     “I, uh...” John fumbled with his words a bit. Rose smiled and shook his head at him.  
     “John and I will be attending together. He never got the nerve up to ask anyone, and neither did I,” Rose said. She seemed to be looking at Kanaya, but it was hard for Tavros to tell.  
    “‘s cool, bro,” Dave said, leaning back in his chair. “I wasn’t gonna ask anyone to be my date either. I’m with Gamzee on that one.”  
     “Yeahhhh,” Gamzee slurred, fist-bumping Dave across the table.  
     “As much fun as a date would be, I thought we could all just go as friends!” Jade said, her typical optimism showing through. “But I’m still curious; who would you ask, Tavros?”  
     Tavros blushed, eyes widening at the sudden shift in attention. “Uhm... I was going to ask... um... this girl, from English class. Uh, how about you, Equius?” Everyone turned towards Equius, Tavros quietly sighing in relief.  
     “I was... going to ask someone. But, if she says no I will go with Nepeta.”  
     “You butt! I’m your second choice?” Nepeta pouted.  
     “I believed that was our arrangement...” Equius murmured.  
     “Naw, it is. I’m just teasing.”

     Tavros was relieved when the bell rang to go to class, and he wheeled away to Spanish with Karkat, Gamzee, and Dave.  
   “So, Tav, who exactly are you going to ask?” Dave said.  
   “Wh-what?”  
   “I’m just sayin’, Vriska’s got her eye on you.”  
   “Oh... that. I mean... I was going to ask, um... I was going to ask Jade to the dance.”  
   “Jade?!” Dave exclaimed, laughing a little bit. Tavros frowned.  
   “Yeah, she’s really pretty, and, um, really nice, and...”  
   “Bro, take it from someone who’s known Jade for years- she is miles out of your league. And she’s not into the whole dating thing. We’re going as, like, a friend thing, the four of us.”  
     “But- Rose and John...”  
     “Rose is... beyond uninterested in John; she said she’d be John’s date out of pity, and he’s not gonna want to slow dance with her, so why even call it a date? Not like it’s prom anyway.” Tavros’s frown deepened.  
     “N-no, you’re wrong. I’ll ask her.”  
     “Alright, dude, it’s your funeral,” Dave said, chuckling to himself. And Tavros decided in that moment that he would ask her, adding ‘to spite Dave’ to his list of motivations.

     Meanwhile, Rufioh was having his own problems regarding Homecoming, and the problem was his boyfriend, whose bed he was currently sitting on, head in his hands.  
     “We should match, Rufioh. What color shirt were you thinking? I would go with blue.”  
     “I was thinking brown, maybe,” Rufioh muttered.  
     “Brown?”  
     “Actually, Horuss, I don’t know if we should get matching shirts.”  
     “Oh? But that’s what couples do, right? Like, if a girl has a dress, the boy’s shirt is supposed to match in color, so shouldn’t our shirts match because we’re both boys?” Horuss sounded upset, like he’d misunderstood something.  
     “Y-yeah, but I…” Rufioh wanted to say, he wasn’t sure they should even be going as a couple, but Horuss was just so excited, it was painful to tell him no. “I don’t look good in blue.”  
     “Oh. Okay, oh, I know, we could go with red. It would match your hair,” Horuss said, tousling Rufioh’s hair. He was leaning in almost uncomfortably close, grinning. Rufioh chuckled, blushed, then gave Horuss a light kiss.  
     “I got it,” Rufioh said. “Let’s do grey with red ties.” Horuss beamed.  
     “Deal.”  
     Rufioh felt bad. He did care for Horuss, he really did, but his feelings were not as strong as Horuss’ were for his, and it was obvious. And as much as Rufioh wanted to make things work, Horuss could be… well, overbearing at times. The only reason Rufioh hadn’t outright refused going to Homecoming at all was that, their friends already knew about them. The whole situation was frustrating, to say the least.  
     “Hey, Rufioh,” Horuss said, turning back to face him, “when am I going to meet your parents?”  
     Rufioh grimaced. “Uh, well, you know… they’re out of town a lot, and now isn’t a great time, because we’re both busy with college apps, and--”  
   “Rufioh.” Horuss’ voice wasn’t light or playful anymore. He sounded distressed. “Are you embarrassed of me?”  
     “No! No, no… Horuss, of course not. I’m…” Rufioh sighed. “I’m not out to my parents yet.”  
     “Oh,” Horuss muttered.  
     “I’m afraid, Horuss. How did you do it? Come out, I mean.”  
     Horuss blushed. “My dad… didn’t really care one way or the other.” Rufioh frowned, and then Horuss frowned, and sat on the bed next to Rufioh, putting an arm around him. Rufioh leaned into Horuss’ shoulder. “Take your time, Rufioh. Sorry for pressuring you.”  
     “Thanks, Horuss. I swear I’ll do it by…”  
     “By New Years’?”  
     “By New Years’.”  
     The two lay down together, but Horuss’ hair tie snapped, letting his tight ponytail loose.  
     “Shoot! I’ll be right back,” he said, starting to get up.  
     “No, no, leave it,” Rufioh said, pulling Horuss back. “I like your hair down.”

     The next day, Rufioh was feeling better. The sick feeling of incompatibility was gone, and he hoped it wouldn’t be back. There was a tiny voice in his head that said it would; it always came back; it came in phases, but he ignored it. Tavros, on the other hand, was nervous, but his nerves were driving him, as odd as it was. It was that, once he asked Jade to Homecoming, that anxiety would be gone, whether or not she said yes. He would just have to suck it up until 4th period.

     Feferi came bounding up to him in P.E.  
     “Hey, Tav! Just wanted to let you know that, I was gonna have everyone get together at my place before Homecoming to take pictures, and go get dinner afterwards, and you’re invited!”  
     “Wow, um, thanks. I was going to ask Jade to go with me, though.”  
     “Awwww! That’s so cute, Tav! She can come with us too!”  
     “Oh, uh, okay.” Tavros smiled, and suddenly was less nervous. On his way out of P.E., he picked a flower from one of the bushes, and held it tightly through all of Biology class. He made sure to get to English as fast as he could, before Jade got there, and set the flower at her desk.  
    “What the hell is that for?” Vriska sneered.  
     “Oh, um, I was asking--”  
     “Asking what?” Jade’s voice came, as she slid into her seat next to Tavros. “Oh, a flower! How cute!” Tavros smiled at her. “What were you saying, Tavros?”  
     “Oh, uh, nothing… the flower was from me.”  
     “Thanks, Tavros!”  
     “Yeah, I… uh… I was wondering…” Jade leaned in on her elbow, hand resting beneath her chin as she waited for Tavros to finish. “Well, if you wanted to go to, um… Feferi’s having a get-together before Homecoming… would you want to go, um. With m… um. Yeah.”  
     “That sounds fun! I’d love to join you guys. Pictures, right?”  
     “Um… yeah!” Tavros said. He’d done it, Jade said yes!  
     “Oh, but I was supposed to be going with Dave and Rose and John. Could they come too?”  
     “Pr-probably, I would ask Feferi.”  
     “Okay, cool! It’ll be one cool group thing!” Jade exclaimed. She tucked the flower behind her ear and kept it there for the rest of class. Oh, Tavros thought. He wanted to say that he meant it as her date, but couldn’t work up the nerve to say it again.

   Jade went off to her locker before lunch, as did Aradia, leaving Tavros and Vriska to walk to their lunch table.  
     “Were you trying to ask her out back there?” Vriska asked, almost laughing. Tavros nodded. “Hahahahahahahaha, oh my _god,_ that was pathetic. Even by your standards. Absolutely priceless.”  
     “It was… kind of supposed to be a private conversation.”  
     “Tavros, your stupidity surprises me sometimes. You asked her out right in front of me, 5 minutes before class!”  
     “Uh, oops.”  
     “It was embarrassing just to watch, honestly.”  
     Tavros scowled, but he didn’t say anything. He just let Vriska be Vriska.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, at this point I've already accepted the story is going to be told out of order. The Tavros/Jade thing doesn't happen until WAY later in Act 5 of Homestuck, and yet its the first thing here. But *shrug* creative license, I guess. I also want to mention that it seems like Rufioh might have a larger character arc in this section. Hard to tell right now but worth mentioning. Anyway. There will still be Rufioh & Damara stuff, Tavros/Vriska/John stuff, the 'robo-legs' (still designed/built by Equius!) and some nonsense with Gamzee which will be fun.


	4. Green Starlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings are hard and Tavros can't express them well.

 

     Homecoming was approaching quickly, and some of the friends were starting to panic a bit, Tavros being one of them. He’d massively embarrassed himself in front of Jade _and_ Vriska, and he wasn’t even sure he wanted to go to Homecoming anymore, but felt obligated to as he already had his parents buy the ticket, so he decided he would just go with his friends.  
     Dave was smirking at him in Spanish class, an expression of knowing. Tavros elected to ignore him and mind his own business through class. Once the bell rang, Gamzee approached Tavros’ desk, sitting on top of it.  
     “Oh, hey, Gamzee,” Tavros said, packing his books up.  
     “Hey, Tavbro. Uhh, can I ask a favor?”  
     “Sure.”  
     “Well, I ain’t doin’ too well in this class. Think you could help a brother out?”  
     Tavros furrowed his brow before nodding. “Yeah, my mom speaks Spanish really well; she could probably help. Why don’t you come over after school today?”  
     “Yeah. Ye-heah, your mom’s Mexican, right? That makes sense.”  
     “Spanish, actually. Uh, like, from Spain.”  
     “Ohhhh. Heh, well, thanks, bro. ‘preciate it.” Gamzee swung his unusually long legs off of Tavros’ desk and sauntered lazily off to his last class, while Tavros made his was to geometry. Math was not his strongest subject, so Tavros tried to pay attentions, but his note-taking was interrupted when Feferi nudged his arm, sliding a note onto his desk.  
     _-Did you ask Jade yet?_  
     Tavros glanced over at Feferi, a massive smile on her face as she nodded to Jade, who sat a few seats over. Tavros glanced at the teacher, to make sure he wasn’t looking, glanced back at Feferi, then scrawled a response on the scrap of paper.  
     **-Yeah, but I don’t think she realized I meant it as a date**  
     _-Oh, that’s too bad. She asked if she and the others could tag along with us so I thought she’d be going with you._  
     **-Yeah. Oh well, I guess.**  
     Tavros shrugged as Feferi read his last response. She shrugged back, and offered a smile that seemed to say ‘it’ll be fun anyway’. Class let out and everyone was out the door in a matter of seconds; the effects of the last class on a Friday. Tavros met up with Gamzee at his locker, and the two waited for Tavros’ parents together. Gamzee absolutely towered over Tavros, even moreso than he did over the rest of their friends. At 6’2’’, Gamzee was ridiculously tall, and most of the group hadn’t gone through their growth spurts yet. It was just another reason other people found Gamzee intimidating. Tavros knew he was harmless. The car pulled up before too long and Tavros knocked on the passenger-side window. His mother rolled it down.  
     “Gamzee needs some help with Spanish. Can he come over?”  
     “Of course! Hop in, Gamzee.”  
     The two boys climbed into the back seat of the van, Gamzee tossing the wheelchair into the trunk before doing so. Rufioh came up a few minutes later and took the front seat.  
     “Hey Gamz,” he said. “Long time no see. How’s Kurloz?”  
     “He’s quiet, bro.”  
     “Yeah, figures.”  
     The drive back to Tavros’ house was quiet, but it wasn’t an unpleasant silence, it was a peaceful one. Tavros felt at ease. It was easy for him to forget in those moments, what happened to him two years prior. He remembered what walking felt like, and not having to sit all the time. He saw Gamzee bouncing his leg to the beat of the radio music, and glanced down at his own, useless legs, frowning at them.  
     When the four of them arrived at the Nitram house, Tavros, Gamzee, and Magnolia sat at the kitchen table and started going over some Spanish homework. Tavros wasn’t registering most of what his mother was saying. He already had an adequate grip on the language.  
     Magnolia invited Gamzee to stay for dinner, who responded with a highly enthusiastic ‘yes’, and even helped set the table. Sam came home as the food was being put out, and everyone sat down to eat.  
     “Homecoming’s tomorrow, right, boys?” Sam asked.  
     “Mhm,” Tavros mumbled.  
     “Shoot, it is tomorrow already. Tav, we gotta get dress shirts before the dance,” Rufioh realized abruptly.  
     “Oh yeah. I guess we do.”  
     “I can take you boys,” Magnolia said.  
     “Mom, can’t I just drive us?” Rufioh protested. Magnolia opened her mouth to say something, before glancing over at Gamzee. Sam cleared his throat at her, and she thought better of it.  
     “We can talk about it later.”  
     Nobody said anything for a moment, just the sound of forks clinking against plates. Sam cleared his throat again.  
     “You boys get dates?” he asked. Gamzee chuckled.  
     “Haha, nahhhhh. Goin’ by my own self and gonna have a good M-Fing time.” Tavros shot a look at his friend. If he could have kicked him under the table, he would have. At least it was not his usual phrase.  
     “Yeah, me too,” Tavros said.  
     “What?” Gamzee looked utterly baffled. “Bro, I thought you asked her.”  
     “I did, but, uh, it didn’t work out, um, with Jade.”  
     “Not Jade. Vriska.”  
     “Uhhh…”  
     “’cause she thinks she’s going with you.”  
     Tavros wasn’t sure what to say at that point. He’d never even come close to asking Vriska, or even wanting to go with her. He’d thought about it, but it wasn’t worth the trouble.  
     “W-well, that’s uh, unfortunate for her.”  
     “Wow, Tav, harsh,” Rufioh muttered.

     The next day, Rufioh and Tavros went to the local department store looking for dress shirts. Magnolia had indeed let Rufioh drive, and Tavros wasn’t sure why she was so hesitant about it. Rufioh really was an excellent driver. Shopping wasn’t a fuss for the boys, and their perusal of the dress shirts was brief. Rufioh didn’t even bother trying his grey shirt on before pairing it with a red tie. Tavros went with a simple brown shirt. He thought about getting a vest, but decided against it. Getting a button-down shirt on would be difficult enough. Tavros also got himself a black necktie.  
     “You set?” Rufioh asked as Tavros rolled out of the fitting room.  
     “Yeah. I’m going to keep it simple.”

     Tavros was satisfied with how he looked that night, though still disappointed about going without a date. He spiked his tiny Mohawk and shaved down the sides to clean it up. He liked his hair short, but it came off as more of a faux-hawk. But Tavros liked it. That was the important part, he told himself.  
     Rufioh felt good, too. The red tie matched the freshly-re-dyed red tips of his hair, and grey was very slimming on him. He smiled at his reflection, fluffing his hair a bit, then imagined himself standing next to Horuss, matching. He wasn’t sure whether he should smile or frown, but he did take solace in the fact that his parents weren’t coming for pictures.  
     The boys went over to the Peixes house, where it was already loud and a bit crowded, and their party was still missing people. Tavros glanced over at his friends, giving a small wave towards them as he began to make his way over. Before he could, however, Vriska shot a furious look at him.  
     “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” she said through clenched teeth as she marched over.  
     “What?”  
     “You’re wearing brown! You were supposed to match my dress, you dolt.”  
     “Um…”  
     “Honestly, you can’t even buy the right shirt.”  
     “Sorry, but, uh, I’m not entirely sure where you got the idea that, um, we were going together.”  
     “I…uh…”  
     It was an awkward moment. Vriska almost always had something to say, so to have her rendered speechless was a new experience for Tavros. He felt guilty, full well knowing he had nothing to truly feel guilty about.  
     “But. Um… I can still be your date, if you want,” Tavros said. Vriska sighed.  
     “No… that’s okay, Tavros,” she murmured. She turned away and began to return to the group dejectedly, but the sadness that was so visible on her didn’t last long. She turned back around as the glass door opened behind Tavros, and John, Dave, Jade and Rose appeared.  
   “Hi, John,” she said.  
     “Hey Vriska!” he answered back. Jade gave a small smile and wave at Tavros, who smiled back, blushing.  
     They all made their way back over to the group, chatting a little bit. The older kids were in their own group, doing their separate thing while pictures were taken. Aradia appeared a little bit after Jade and her friends, and she stuck next to Sollux for the pictures. After the pictures, the kids went to dinner, and then the dance. Tavros felt a little bit silly being on the dance floor at all, but he did go out with Aradia for a bit, and Vriska, and even Terezi and Nepeta, but when the slow songs started playing, he decided to step out. The gym was really warm, so Tavros went all the way outside, only to find Jade sitting by herself. Tavros rolled up next to her.  
     “Hi, Jade,” he said. Jade jumped a bit.  
     “Oh, hey Tavros,” Jade murmured.  
     “Is everything okay?”  
     “Hm? Yeah. I just… don’t care for slow dances. I’d rather look at the stars. They’re beautiful.”  
     Tavros glanced up at the sky. “Yeah, they are.” He looked back at Jade, her own dress reminiscent of the sky. She smiled, still gazing upwards at the universe, and let out a happy hum. Tavros cleared his throat. Jade turned back to him, a glint of expectance in her eyes.  
     “Um… I just wanted to say…” Tavros fumbled with his words a bit. He wanted to tell her about the absolutely massive crush he’d developed on her, but lost all courage and conviction at the last moment. “…that you look beautiful in that dress.”  
     Jade blushed. “Thanks, Tav.”

     Rufioh was having an absolute blast at Homecoming. It was cathartic, a relief to be able to have fun with Horuss and not worry about who might see, or where word might spread. His friends sure as shit didn’t care; most of them weren’t straight either. Still, it was also a relief to have a moment away from Horuss. When Rufioh realized Horuss had stepped out for a moment, he decided to approach Damara.  
     “May I have this dance?” he asked, extending a hand. Damara glanced up at him, sneering, then, reached for his hand.  
     It wasn’t a slow song, which was good, considering the past between the two, but they still had a good time. Damara laughed.  
     “It’s been a long time since I saw you smile like that, Damz.”  
     “You hurt me before, so I stop smiles. But I getting better now.”  
     “Good.” Rufioh pursed his lips for a moment while they danced. Damara really was gorgeous, and Rufioh knew the two had a lot in common. “Hey, so… if me and Horuss don’t work out, maybe you and I could give it another shot,” Rufioh said. Damara scowled as the song came to an end.  
     “Ass!” she yelled, slapping him across the face.

 

     The next day was not a happy one in the Nitram house. Both the boys had feelings about their homecoming experience that summed up to _‘that could have gone better’._ Rufioh was sitting on Tavros’ bed, but neither of them said anything; just tossed a hacky-sack back and forth. Both could tell that the other had something to say, and Tavros cracked first.  
     “Rufioh, what do you do when you really, _really_ like someone?”  
     “Tell them.”  
     “Just like that?”  
     “Yeah, man, what’s the worst that can happen?”  
     “What if she doesn’t like me back?”  
     Rufioh sat up a bit more. “If she doesn’t like you back, you get the same result as if you don’t say anything at all, except with the relief of knowing. Think about it. Either she’s not into you and you move on, or she is and you guys go out. Or you say nothing and make yourself get over it. Just be confident, dude.”  
     Tavros pursed his lips. “Be confident. Okay.”

adiosToreador [AT] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

AT: heeeey, jade  
GG: oh hey!  
AT: um  
AT: there was something i wanted to tell you last night  
GG: oh??  
GG: well what is it?  
AT: well we talk a bit, and i think we have some things in common, and it’s nice  
GG: sure!  
AT: and i think that i,  
AT: maybe have some possible romantic feelings for you  
GG: you mean  
GG: whooooooaaaaaa  
GG: wait  
GG: really? :o  
AT: wow, that sure was a hard thing to say and made me incredibly nervous  
AT: but i said it because of my self-confidence  
AT: and now i think all that’s left is definitely your reciprocation about that, probably  
GG: um…………  
GG: well  
GG: i dont think i can reciprocate!  
AT: uh oh  
GG: i mean  
GG: youre nice  
GG: but i dont really know you that well  
GG: tavros I dont know if youve fully thought about this!  
GG: you dont actually know me that well either  
AT: but we’ve had conversations, wherein you were very nice and pleased to speak with me  
AT: did,  
AT: i misinterpret that, was it not actually niceness  
GG: well no  
GG: i was being nice  
GG: because  
GG: i like to be nice to people when i can, and when they are nice to me  
GG: but……  
GG: things are a little more complicated than that, you cant know someone just by a few conversations!  
GG: i mean, there are some things about me i dont just tell people that might change your mind about me  
AT: uh  
GG: sorry, I feel bad about having to disappoint you…  
GG: but i dont know what else to say  
AT: but what about  
AT: my attractive bravado  
AT: and ignoring my instinctual cowardice hard enough to say that i like you  
AT: isn’t that  
AT: supposed to be very attractive  
AT: i guess what i mean is, what about all my confidence  
AT: what do you think about that  
GG: jeeeeeeez, um…...  
GG: tavros i am really flattered you like me and all  
GG: and that sure is confident of you to say so! And thats great buuuuut…  
GG: i guess confidence is one thing but there is such a thing as being toooo forward i guess?  
AT: wow  
AT: ok  
GG: i aaaalso think…  
GG: and really this is just polite friendly advice!  
GG: that if youre really confident you dont always have to say it all the time  
GG: it…  
GG: oh man im sorry to say  
GG: it just kind of comes off as a little insecure and off-putting and kind of defeats the purpose!  
GG: and all things considered i think we should just stay friends  
AT: yeah  
AT: uhhhhhh  
GG: sorry :C  
AT: no, no, if i’m being realistic i think that’s what’s reasonable to say to me  
GG: its just  
GG: oh boy this is frustrating  
GG: can we talk about this later?  
GG: i have some things to do  
AT: sure

gardenGnostic [GG] has ceased pestering adiosToreador [AT]

     Tavros laid his head on his desk, Rufioh sitting up to look at him.  
     “That bad, huh?” he asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh i feel like it's been forever since i posted a chapter. Back to homecoming!  
> The material for the pesterlog came from this page http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=004956
> 
> I realized while I was writing this that the older kids graduate at the end. Which means they're seniors. Which means prom. Which I COMPLETELY left out of part one... So I'm not sure what to do with that but I will work something out maybe. 
> 
> Also it's been pointed out I can format the pesterlogs- which I knew but coding is a hassle- but would it be easier for you guys to read if I did this? Let me know. 
> 
> (PS Jade wears the 3AM dress to Homecoming)


	5. Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you just have to deal with having a broken backbone.

 

     Tavros avoided Jade, and Jade avoided Tavros, which was proving difficult, as the two had classes together. The situation was made even more awkward when the two were sitting in English class.  
    “So, continuing with Romeo and Juliet,” the teacher said. “Now, we’re on Act Two, Scene Two, right? This scene, where she’s on the balcony- before we talk about it, can I get a couple volunteers to read?” The class was silent, nobody saying anything for a few moments as the teacher stared them down. “Nobody? Alright... Tavros, can you read for Romeo please?”  
    Tavros faltered, then nodded. “S-sure,” he answered.  
     “Excellent! And... hmm... Jade, can you read as Juliet?”  
    Jade’s eyes met Tavros’, both of them looking at each other with mild panic.  
    “Ummmm....sure,” Jade answered, incredibly hesitant as she flipped through her pages to find the scene. Their teacher smiled, incredibly pleased with them.  
     “Okay! Act Two, Scene Two. Romeo enters,” she said, setting the stage. “Tavros?”  
    “Oh, right,” Tavros muttered. He cleared his throat, then spoke. “But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Ja- Juliet is the sun.” He heard Vriska snicker at his mistake, but kept going. “Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief.” Tavros kept reading his lines, with a fair amount of confidence in his voice. He was surprised at how well his voice did hold out, as his heart was having nervous palpitations. When Jade spoke, his stomach turned. She had such a lovely speaking voice.  
    “O, Romeo, Romeo, wherefor art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name, or, if thou wilt not be but sworn my love, and I’ll no longer be a Capulet,” Jade recited. Tavros mentally slapped himself for ruining his own chances with her.

   That night, the Nitram boys got some interesting news from their parents during dinner. Sam had that kind, fatherly smile that he wore so often, and was giving Rufioh a knowing look. It was almost a smirk. Rufioh furrowed his brow at his father.  
    “Dad, why are you looking at me so weird?” he asked. Tavros looked up from his plate.  
    “Do you want me to tell them?” Sam asked, looking towards Magnolia, who only curtly nodded. “We have to go away on business again.” Rufioh groaned. “Before you say anything, let me finish. We’re going to let you boys stay on your own this time,” Sam said.  
    “Wait, are you serious? Mom?” Rufioh beamed.  
     “Your father and I had a long discussion about this, and you’re right. You’re old enough to be responsible and look after your brother. It’s a long trip, though. We won’t be back for a couple weeks. Are you sure you can handle that?” Magnolia asked.  
     “Definitely!”

    Rufioh did the dishes after dinner, and then came into Tavros’ room, as he often did. It was a great talking space.  
    “I can’t believe Mom and Dad are leaving us without Mr. Boxcars,” Rufioh said. “Are you as excited as I am?”  
     “Ehhh… I don’t really think it’s a big deal, Rufioh.”  
     “Bro, you know what? Let’s throw a sick Halloween party.”  
     Tavros looked over. “But… you finally have Mom and Dad trusting us to be responsible while they’re gone. Wouldn’t throwing a party kind of… betray that trust?”  
     “Not like a rager. Just, if you wanted to have your friends over.”  
     “I mean, I guess. I kinda wanted to go trick-or-treating.”  
     “Tav, aren’t you getting old for that?”  
     “I’m… only 14.”  
     “I’m just teasing you a little. Just float the idea to them; see what they think.”  
     “Umm… okay…”

     So Tavros did, albeit unsuredly. He didn’t want to betray his parents’ trust, but he also thought Rufioh could (probably) manage a small party, so he decided to ask his friends what they thought at lunch the next day.  
     “Hey, guys, my parents are out of town,” he said, “so I was thinking of, having a Halloween party, at my house maybe?”  
     Vriska let out a laugh that sounded more like a cackle than anything else. “That’s ballsy, Tavros. What happens if you get in trouble?” she asked.  
     “Ummmm,” Tavros mumbled. “I don’t know… Rufioh’s in charge.”  
     “Ohhhhhhhh, no nosey neighbor babysitting this time?” Vriska sneered.  
     “I haven’t seen Mr. Boxcars around the last couple days. I think it should be fine.”  
     “That sounds really fun, Tavros,” Terezi said. “It’s been a while since we all had a party.”  
     “I’ve been meaning to host more!” Feferi said. “I think the holiday season will be better for parties at my house.”  
     “Th-that’s okay, Fef, you shouldn’t have to host all the time,” Tavros answered. “So, yeah, you guys are all invited over for Halloween.”  
     “Halloween sucks, though,” Sollux lisped. Feferi gave him a nudge, her ever-present smile a welcome contrast to Sollux’s scowl. “Ah- fine. Sounds like a plan then.”  
     “Yeah?” Tavros asked. He was excited. His friends were looking at him with excitement. Even Vriska seemed pleased with his suggestion, which was rare for her. “Oh… where’s Aradia?” he realized his old friend wasn’t at the table, and so was unaware of the party. She’d been missing from their table as of late, and nobody was quite sure what had happened to her. Tavros glanced over at Sollux, who noticed.  
     “Don’t look at me!” Sollux said in immediate defense. “I have no idea what her deal is.”  
     “Oh no…” Tavros murmured. He wanted her to be at the party. He felt like she needed to have a good time, and needed someone to talk to. “Um… Nepeta, you have your next class with Aradia, right?”  
     Nepeta glanced over, fussing with her hat a bit. “Yeah… We have P.E. together!”  
     “Could you, uh, do me a favor and tell her about the party?”  
     “Of course, Tavfurros!”

     Once that was taken care of, Tavros felt oddly excited for Halloween, despite skipping the free candy, much to his disappointment. But hey, maybe it would be fun to have a party instead. Rufioh reassured Tavros that there was no reason to be nervous, even though Tavros was pretty sure there was.  
     “What if I don’t throw a very good party?” Tavros asked one day while Rufioh was making a box of Mac n’ Cheese for their dinner.  
     “It’ll be fine, bro,” Rufioh said. “I can help you out. We’ll get some cheap candy; make a music playlist… it’ll be a good time, I promise.”  
    “Uhm. Okay,” Tavros agreed, still not completely sure why he was going along with it. But Rufioh kept true to his word, and stocked the house up with an exorbitant amount of junk food. Tavros had a couple ideas for games, the simplest of which was “Bobbing for Apples.” Eventually, Halloween came around and Tavros dug out his old Peter Pan costume. He’d asked Aradia to come over and help set up, and she’d agreed, much to Tavros’ pleasure.  
     Rufioh also seemed to be relieved the party was going to work out. Tavros couldn’t help but wonder what was going on with his brother that he was unaware of, but if Rufioh wanted him to know, he would share.  
     “Hey, Rufioh?” Tavros asked as his older brother helped string up a couple of decorations.  
     “Yeah?”  
     “Didn’t you have your own Halloween plans?”  
     Rufioh paused, looking back at his little brother for a moment. “Eh. Horuss wanted to watch some scary movies tonight, but I told him no. I’m gonna be too busy keeping an eye on you guys.”  
     “Oh.” Tavros rubbed the back of his neck. “I think… if you wanted, Horuss could come over, right? And you guys could watch movies in your room.” He felt guilty, keeping his brother from spending time with his boyfriend. But, it seemed they’d been spending less time together. They spent more time together on the tail end of Rufioh’s relationship with Damara. Oh, and how well that ended.  
     “It’s fine, Tav. He probably ended up doing something with Meulin and Kurloz.”  
     “Okay, if you’re sure.”  
     The door knocked a moment after that, with the rhythm of _Shave and a Haircut._  
     “Oh, that’s Aradia,” Tavros said, wheeling towards the door. He knocked back _Two Bits_ before letting Aradia into the house. He felt really excited to see her, like she hadn’t been around in weeks. Which was probably because she hadn’t.  
     “Hey Tav,” Aradia said as she came into the house.  
     “Hi, Aradia,” Tavros said, smiling. “You seem, um, better.”  
     “I’m okay,” she said. Well, Tavros hadn’t expected her to suddenly be happy. He was just glad she’d come at all.  
     “Thanks for helping me set everything up.”  
     “No problem,” Aradia answered as she walked into the kitchen. Tavros wheeled in after her. Thankfully the snacks had already been taken out, and Rufioh was nice enough to get the bowls off the high shelves for Tavros. Tavros noticed Aradia looking around in the kitchen, snickering a bit. “Did, ah, Rufioh help you find everything?” she asked.  
     “What’s so funny?” Tavros asked. He sensed a bit of anger in his own voice, which may have been unwarranted, but he just so desperately wanted the party to be a success.  
     “It’s just a lot of food, Tav. How many people are there supposed to be coming tonight?”  
     “Um, like 16? And Rufioh,” Tavros answered, counting himself and Aradia in with the others.  
     “He’s not doing anything for Halloween? Weird.”  
     “No, Horuss invited him to do something but he said no.”  
     “Horuss?” Aradia asked. Tavros faltered. He knew Aradia wouldn’t mind if he mentioned the whole boyfriend thing, but there was always the off chance she told other people, and he knew _Rufioh_ would definitely mind that.  
     “Oh, yeah. Horuss. He’s Equius’ brother. Rufioh used to hang out with him a lot last year, but he hasn’t been as much lately.”  
     “Weird.”  
     Rufioh had already hidden away in his room, so Tavros and Aradia handled the rest of the party set up, Aradia stringing up the remaining decorations while Tavros poured snacks and set up games. And though it was unlike him, Tavros couldn’t contain his curiosity about Aradia, and what had been going on with her.  
     “So what’s your deal with Sollux?” Tavros asked. It probably wasn’t the right question to ask; Tavros knew that, but he couldn’t help wanting to know.  
     “What deal?”  
     “You guys went to Homecoming together. I thought something was, um, happening between you two. In a, um, romantic way, I mean.”  
     Aradia didn’t say anything for a second, and Tavros quickly doubted himself for even asking. Then, “I didn’t think of you as a gossip, Tav,” Aradia said.  
     Tavros giggled. “It’s not that. I was wondering because I’m having my own girl problems.”  
     “What, Vriska?”  
     “Well, yeah,” Tavros said. Vriska was always an issue, and one he wasn’t quite sure how to handle, “but, uhm, Jade also. I asked her to Homecoming but I don’t think she thought of it as a date type thing, and she, um, invited all her other friends. And then, uh, I tried to tell her I liked her, um, on Pesterchum the other day.” Tavros was blushing just thinking about that conversation. It wasn’t one he liked to remember.  
     “What did she say?”  
     “That it was flattering, I guess, but she didn’t really think of me that way? She said, ‘we don’t really know each other that well, and it’s coming out of nowhere’, so, yeah.”  
     “Okay, well, she’s not interested, then.”  
     “That’s it?”  
     “Mhm,” Aradia murmured, turning away from the wall. Tavros felt a pang in his heart. So there was no way to take back that faux pas, and he didn’t have an ounce of a chance with Jade. That was just great. Tavros shook off that sadness, and looked back up at Aradia.  
     “Okay,” he murmured. “Anyway… people should be here soon. I’m going to go get my costume on. Uh, you can change in the bathroom if you want.”  
     Aradia nodded, then went into the bathroom as Tavros went into his bedroom.

     Changing was always an issue, but thankfully, Tavros’ Peter Pan costume was pretty loose, and it didn’t take him too long to get it on. The final touch was the hat, and Tavros felt pretty pleased with himself. He loved his Peter Pan costume. Sometimes he even had dreams that Peter came to his window and let him fly for a minute. He’d been having those dreams since before the accident, though. Being in a wheelchair didn’t make him want to fly. That would be silly. It did make him want to walk, though.  
     Tavros came out of his room to find Aradia Jones waiting for him, and he started the first song on his Halloween playlist, _Spooky Scary Skeletons._ Aradia started to bounce, and then started to dance, a huge smile on her face and a hearty laugh as she spun Tavros’ chair. Tavros laughed with her, looking at Aradia.  
     “I’m glad you’re having a good time!” he said. Aradia grinned at him.  
     “I feel really good right now,” she said.

     People started arriving not long after that, and Aradia turned the music down as they did so. Vriska and Terezi were the first to arrive, and for the next half-hour, the rest of the crew streamed into the house slowly. Tavros asked Rufioh to order pizza, and they turned the music back up to dance levels. Tavros moved between the main room and the backyard, monitoring how everything went so the house wasn’t too much of a disaster in the morning. He was surprised when the music turned down quickly, and suddenly less surprised when he saw Vriska’s hand at the dial.  
     “Hey losers! Come on, we’re starting another game in here,” Vriska declared. Tavros rolled his eyes, and followed anyway, only to find Vriska starting a game of ‘7 Minutes in Heaven’.  
     “Vriska, please, this is so ridiculous,” Sollux spoke up. Tavros mentally agreed, but didn’t dare say anything in the moment. “Besides, what the fuck has this got to do with Halloween?”  
     “Shut your lispy mouth, asshat,” Vriska snapped at Sollux. “You don’t _have_ to play, but there’s always the chance for some alone time with the freaky girl of your dreams,” she nodded towards Aradia. Tavros felt a twinge of anger just for Aradia’s sake. Vriska was up there being an asshole to his best friend, and all Tavros could do was sit there and watch. “I have taken the liberty of putting all the lady’s names into this hat, and all the boys into Terezi’s,” Vriska said. She took a couple steps towards Tavros. “Tavros, if you would do the honors?” she said, tilting her pirate hat down for Tavros to reach his hand in. He did, pulling out a slip of paper before reading it off.  
     “Um, Aradia…?” he said, hesitantly. He really didn’t want to send Aradia into that closet, but didn’t have a chance to object before Vriska ushered Aradia into the closet.  
     “Wait, what?” Aradia asked. Vriska said something quietly, that the majority of the party couldn’t hear, and then laughed before shutting the closet door. Vriska then took Terezi’s police cap and pulled out a slip.  
     “And our lucky guy is… Equius Zahhak!” she said with an amount of showmanship, as though she were some vicious game show host. Equius blushed furiously, not saying anything as he ambled over towards the closet, no escort necessary.  
     The time went by incredibly slowly, and Tavros’ heart was pounding just for sake of his friend. He couldn’t help but notice the upset expression on Sollux’s face. It seemed too easy for Equius, and Tavros had a sneaking suspicion that Vriska was up to something. He snatched away the pirate hat while Vriska was too busy gloating to notice, and looked through the slips of paper.  
     “Aradia. Aradia. Aradia…” Tavros murmured to himself, only barely glancing over as Aradia and Equius were let out of the closet. Aradia quickly made her way into the other room, which Tavros was thankful for, as it gave him a chance to confront Vriska.  
     “Vriska… can I talk to you for a minute outside?” Tavros said, grabbing her wrist. She looked down at him.  
     “Oh- Yeah, I guess.” Tavros was surprised she didn’t throw taunts at him, but instead of pondering it, just opened the front door as she followed him out.  
     “Um. Vriska. Why do all these slips have the same name on them?” he asked, holding three of the slips with Aradia’s name scrawled across them.  
     “Oh, that? Ha! Just playing a little prank on Aradia, no big deal.”  
     “You’re… toying with someone’s emotions as a joke. It, um, it kind of is? A big deal?”  
      “Well it’s not gonna _be_ a big deal unless someone tells, right?” Vriska said, a menacing tone in her voice.  
     “I just… think it’s wrong,” Tavros muttered.  
     “Sorry, what was that?”  
     “Uh… I don’t think you should really be doing things like that. It’s mean.”  
     “And I suppose you’re gonna be the one to stop me?”  
     “Well, uh, I mean… no, but…”  
     “Then it doesn’t matter. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go have fun at the party and not be a total wet blanket,” Vriska said before skulking back inside. Tavros was now at the point of wanting to leave his own house.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! So yeah the idea is no longer to tell the story in chronological order in relation to canon Homestuck- the goal for me now is to make connections to canon Homestuck, perhaps out of order, but still make all these pieces connect to each other, if that makes sense.
> 
> Anyway, I'm like two thirds through the fall semester at school, and things are getting hard, AND I'm participating in NaNoWriMo so chapters here may slow down a bit between that and holidays.
> 
> I ALSO went back to The Megidos and earlier chapters of this and formatted all the pesterlogs with colors and such, and will continue to upkeep that.


	6. Almost Shakespearian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Circumstances aren't dire, but they're far from ideal

      Tavros didn’t even want to bother going back into the house to see what other kind of ruckus Vriska was stirring up. He rolled around the side of the house, through the gate into the backyard. Everyone had cleared out once it got dark, since it also got a little cold, but Tavros needed the fresh air.

     He looked up at the stars, and was reminded of seeing Jade do the same. Why was he such an idiot? Why did he have to go and blow his chances with her? He felt like such an idiot, sitting out there thinking about it in his Peter Pan outfit. It wasn’t very warm. He was at a complete loss for thought. Vriska was infuriating sometimes, and yet he still couldn’t help having some level of attraction to her. Maybe things would have been easier, or different, if he’d just asked Vriska to Homecoming instead. She could be such a bully, though, and she always found a way to pass it off as something meaningless. Tavros sighed. He had no idea what he was supposed to do about her.  
     Tavros heard the back door slide open behind him, and turned around to see who was coming outside. It was Gamzee, twirling an unlit blunt in his fingers. He was already smiling, but when he spotted Tavros, he smiled even wider.  
     “Hey, Tavbro!” he called, coming across the yard. “What’re you doin’ out here? Shouldn’t you be fuckin’… enjoyin’ the party, bro?” Gamzee asked as he reached Tavros. Tavros frowned.  
     “I- I was, until Vriska started that game.”  
     “I feel you, bro. That whole romantic motherfuckin’ junk, it’s a mess right now,” Gamzee said, lighting his blunt between words. He took a puff off of it. Tavros looked at him, unaware of the ‘romantic junk’ Gamzee referred to.  
     “What do you mean?” he asked.  
     “Oh, you know, it’s like… Karkat and Terezi are fuckin’ confused about what they even are, and Karkat’s lookin’ at Dave funny. Feferi has a motherfuckin’ crush on Sollux, but… fuckin’… Sollux, has a thing for Aradia, and so does Equius. While motherfuckin’ Eridan’s tryin’ to mack on Fef, too, and John likes Vriska, but Vriska, ya know, she’s got a motherfuckin’ thing for you, and you fuckin’ like Jade,” Gamzee rambled before taking another puff off his blunt. “It’s fuckin’ crazy, man.”  
     Tavros just looked at Gamzee sideways. “How… do you know all that?” Tavros asked.  
     “Fuckin’… Karkat, man. He gets all motherfuckin’ worked up over this kind of shit, so damn analytical ‘bout fuckin’ romance. It’s like, almost Shakespearian how fuckin’ twisted up we all are about feelings and junk.”  
     “Hmm?”  
     “It’s like, _A Midsummer Night’s Dream_ or some shit, everyone falling in love with the wrong fuckin’ person.”  
     “Yeah,” Tavros muttered. Gamzee took another drag, holding his breath for a moment, then letting it out.  
     “Man, you look like you could use a motherfuckin’ drag,” he said, holding the blunt between two fingers and reaching it out towards Tavros. Tavros took it, hesitating for a moment before raising it to his mouth and taking a breath in. He sputtered for a moment.  
     “You gotta hold it in for a minute,” Gamzee said, chuckling in his way. Tavros held his breath, only for a few seconds, and then exhaled, coughing as he did so. A little bit of smoke came out, but not much. Tavros coughed again before giving Gamzee back the blunt. “Not bad, brother. You motherfuckin’ sure that’s your first time smokin’?” Gamzee asked with a laugh.  
     “Um… yeah, I- I don’t really care for, uh… the smell,” Tavros said. “How do you even, um, get that stuff?”  
     “From my bro, bro! He and Meulin do all kinds of crazy shit together. Uh, but don’t fuckin’ tell Nepeta I said that.”  
     “That, uh… interesting,” Tavros stuttered. Kurloz had always intimidated Tavros, and his vow of silence certainly hadn’t helped. Gamzee looked at Tavros.  
     “By the way, bro, you look pretty motherfuckin’ cute in that Pan costume."  
     Tavros’ eyes widened, and he felt himself blushing a little bit. It didn’t feel like a platonic compliment, it sounded like Gamzee was trying to hit on him. Tavros had no idea how to feel; he’d never felt any sort of attraction towards Gamzee, or to boys in general. He smiled, not wanting to let the moment feel awkward, and instead let himself feel awkward.  
     “Oh, y-yeah, thanks. Are you, uh, Pennywise?”  
     “Motherfuck! Yeah, man!”  
     The two boys stayed outside for a little while, until Gamzee finished smoking, and Tavros felt obligated to go back inside and actually host the party. Things had seemed to calm down, which Tavros was thankful for. He suggested that they all watch some Halloween-themed movies, and, after a general consensus and murmurs of agreement, he put in _Corpse Bride._ Rufioh appeared only momentarily to tell the kids it was time to start getting ready for bed. Dave, John, Rose, Jade, and Feferi stood, though the four seemed surprised at Feferi. Dave approached Tavros.  
     “Welp, thanks for the party, man,” he said, gesturing towards Tavros. Tavros was surprised at Dave’s lack of sarcasm in the moment.  
     “Yeah, I had fun, Tavros!” John said with enthusiasm. Tavros frowned. He’d noticed John and Vriska talking more and more, and getting fairly close in a fairly sort time. He wasn’t sure he really even had a reason to be jealous, but he was, nevertheless. For years, Tavros and Vriska had been on and off, never really a couple, but never really _not_ a couple, either.  
     “Are you guys… leaving?” Tavros asked.  
     “Yes, my dear cousin Braiden will be picking us up,” Rose said.  
     “Ugh, fuckin’ bro…” Dave murmured.  
     “And I have a curfew, sorry, Tavros!” Feferi said. Tavros nodded, as if to say ‘that’s okay’, and escorted them to the door.  
     After the five of them left, Tavros showed the girls to the guest room, and the boys slept on the floor of his room. But Tavros couldn’t stop thinking about Vriska, despite hardly getting over Jade. Would Vriska really just dump him like they never had anything? _Did_ they have anything? They’d been through a lot, at the very least, and Tavros had always defended her, even after the accident. He fell asleep thinking about it.

 

     The accident had only happened a few years prior. The kids had been in 7th grade, just kids, no older than 12. They were playing their campaign of Dungeons and Dragons at Vriska’s house, as they did, their party consisting of Tavros, Vriska, Eridan, Terezi, and Aradia, though they’d all agreed Terezi was the most fair, and as such, she should DM for the gang. This was back when Vriska and Eridan were dating- or, at least, that was what they called their oddly competitive, slightly dysfunctional relationship. Tavros played a satyr he’d named Pan, which was actually an acceptable name for a satyr, according to the guidebook, and he’d wound up in a confrontation with Vriska’s pirate character she’d affectionately named Mindfang.  
     “I’m crazy lucky,” Vriska said, fiddling with her dice. “You should just tell me what I want to know.”  
     “I d-don’t understand why,” Tavros stammered. “Why do you want to find the other satyrs so bad? I thought we were a team.”  
     “Because! Satyrs are _known_ for their greediness. They probably have a _ton_ of gold, and as a pirate, it’s practically my job to relieve them of it.”  
     “B-but, we’re already on a quest!”  
     “Lead me to the satyrs or I’ll strike you where you stand!”  
     “Get on with it already, Mindfang,” Eridan said, drumming his fingers impatiently on the table. Tavros frowned. He didn’t know why Eridan was even there; he didn’t seem to even like any of them besides Vriska, and even that was debatable sometimes.  
     “Hush, Dualscar,” Vriska said, addressing Eridan’s in-game character. Terezi looked between Vriska and Tavros. “Are you fighting, or what?” she asked. Before Tavros could answer, Vriska gave an enthusiastic nod, and Terezi cleared her throat. “Okay, roll for initiative, then.” Vriska let her d20 skid across the table, tumbling around until it settled, a 20 face up.  
     “A natural 20?” Aradia exclaimed. “Wow.” Vriska smirked.  
     “Told ya I was lucky.”  
     “Okay… Tavros, roll for initiative,” Terezi said. Tavros glanced around for a moment, not entirely sure what to do. He didn’t really want to fight, even in a game.  
     “Wellllllll?” Vriska sneered.  
     “Uhh…” Tavros muttered.  
     “Hey, boy skytard, are you going to just sit there all night? Make your move, make your move, make your move!”  
     “I just think, that you’re a little too strong. Sorry.”  
     “Weak! Weaky weaky weak.”  
     “Uhhh… weaky, is that a real, thing to say?”  
     “Yes. Your blatant excuse making is the weakiest lame to ever shit the coward bed. Roll your die, make your move. Fight me or run!”  
     “I can’t run, there’s no, uhh, nowhere to run to.”  
     “But running is what you do best! We haven’t managed to find a scenario yet you couldn’t squawk out of in a blazing trail of chicken feathers. You cannot hope to beat Tavros Nitram in a wimp-off. He is simply the best there is!”  
     “Uhh, that sounds flattering, theoretically, but I don’t think--”  
     “Hey! Pipe down! Make your move! Fight or run, fight or run! Roll, Tavros, roll!”  
     “Hold on, for one moment,” Tavros said. Vriska groaned and rolled her eyes, but let him take his time. Tavros looked towards Aradia first, who gave him a shrug that said ‘sorry, nothing I can do’, then looked towards Terezi, who simply shook her head no.  
     “No one can help you, Taaaaaaaavros!” Vriska jeered.  
     Tavros faltered. “Okay.”  
     “Time to decide. Are you going to roll?”  
     “Hmm, no, I can’t.”  
     “Why not?”  
     “Because I was thinking about the numbers, and, it’s impossible for there to be a favorable outcome, no matter what the dice do.”  
     “So you give up?”  
     “Yeah, maybe.”  
     “It doesn’t matter,” Aradia interrupted. “My dad is here. We’ll pick it up here next time?” she asked.  
     “Sure thing,” Terezi said. “I should get going too. My mom is _actually_ going to be home tonight, and I seriously doubt Latula picked up the house at all.”  
     “Eridan, you need a ride?” Aradia asked.  
     “Sure,” he said, almost scoffing.  
     “What about you, Tav? We live pretty close together,” Aradia asked.  
     Tavros shook his head no. “My mom is already on her way.”  
     “Okay, see you next time then!” Aradia said as she, Terezi, and Eridan left. Tavros could tell Vriska was still annoyed she didn’t get her way in the match, her hands balled into little tight fists. He bit his lip a little, not sure he wanted to say anything.  
     “You okay?” he asked.  
     “Why would you want to cheapskate me out of bonuses like that? It’s so thoughtless!” Vriska burst out.  
     “Uh…” Tavros murmured, losing his footing on one of the steps as he started to walk down the stairs. He felt a push, and then he tumbled down and found himself on the ground of the first floor, looking up at Vriska, still upstairs at the banister, covering her mouth in shock. Tavros couldn’t stand up.

 

     Tavros woke up the morning after his Halloween party. He still couldn’t stand up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hihi! So I wrote the beginning of this chapter a while ago but I was working on NaNoWriMo (which I WON for the FIRST TIME) so I haven't posted in a while but here it is now! Did you know I posted the first chapter of The Megidos almost a year ago? CRAZY!
> 
> Dialogue adapted from this page: http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=004072


	7. Rufioh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ex-girlfriends and new boyfriends and explaining the truth to a brother must be emotionally taxing all at once.

 

     Rufioh Nitram stood in the kitchen on the morning of November 1st, having cleared out 10 thirteen-year-olds and was now cleaning up after the party with the help of his younger brother, Tavros. Rufioh had a lot on his mind, and was only about half-paying attention to what he was doing as he cleaned up dishes and took the trash out. Halloween had been upsetting for him, and he started to reflect on the way he had been treating people. He knew he wasn’t the best with relationships, but it was only brought back to him when he spoke to Aradia the night prior.

 

     Rufioh remembered rolling out of his bed, feeling guilty for bailing on Horuss on Halloween, and feeling guilty about the whole situation with Horuss. He couldn’t sleep with all that trouble sitting in his mind, so he strolled into the living room and turned the television on quietly, hoping mindless shows would silence his thoughts. Not long after, he looked up into the kitchen and saw Aradia Droog standing there, startled and staring. He stood up.  
     “Hey, Aradia,” he said as he traipsed into the kitchen towards her.  
     “Oh… hey… Rufioh,” she muttered. Rufioh frowned. Aradia had been Tavros’ friend for a long time, and she used to be all smiles, but she seemed different that night.  
     “What’s goin’ on, li’l Droog? Thought you guy were all asleep,” he asked. He took out two mugs and started to make hot chocolate; one for him, one for her.  
     “I couldn’t sleep. Mind’s too occupied,” Aradia said. Her voice was very subdued.  
     “Mm,” Rufioh hummed, relating all too much. He took the hot chocolate out of the microwave and shoved a mug into Aradia’s hands. “Come on, let’s talk. If it helps any, I couldn’t sleep either.” He gestured towards the kitchen table and the two sat. Aradia was quiet for a while, and Rufioh sipped on his hot chocolate. He took deep breaths, not wanting to push her. It was a help just to know someone was listening, he thought. He saw tears begin to pool in her eyes, and then she said something.  
     “Rufioh, where do I even start? I…”  
     He didn’t want her to cry; there was only so much he could do. “Take a breath. It’s alright.”  
     Aradia calmed herself down. “Okay, okay. Um, my dad remarried a few months ago. And… my stepmom is nice and all, but I feel like she hasn’t really bothered to get to know me. She’s not really, yea know, she doesn’t seem like she’s great with kids. Which is fine, I guess. She supposedly had a really crappy childhood herself, and I guess doesn’t know how to handle people my age. But she tries and I try to give her credit for that. Hell, she took Fef and I shopping for Homecoming dresses. It’s… augh, it’s her daughter I can’t stand. She smokes and does drugs and like, dropped out of school… she’s rude and curses at me and refuses to speak proper English even thought I _know_ she’s been learning…”  
     Rufioh felt his frown deepen as she continued to talking, and he remembered. “Wait. Your stepsister’s Damara, isn’t she?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

     “Yeah.”  
     “Thought I’d heard you mention that. Makes sense, though.” And with that, another ounce of guilt got piled onto Rufioh’s shoulders. Damara probably wouldn’t be half as terrible if it weren’t for him, and what he’d done to her couldn’t be taken back. Aradia looked confused at his recognition.  
     “Huh?”  
     “Damara and I used to date,” he could have sworn Aradia would know that, but oh well. “She’s a crazy chick, doll. Nearly ripped my head off a coupl’a times.”  
     “Was she really that bad when you two were dating?”  
     “Um…” Rufioh thought it over for a moment. He wanted to be honest, but he didn’t want Aradia to think he was an asshole, either. Even though Rufioh knew he was. “It wasn’t until things were ending that she started acting like that. Before, she was real timid, and nice. We’d sit and watch anime together, and like… couple stuff, ya know?” Aradia nodded. “But she got, like… weirdly jealous of my friends.” Rufioh felt himself blushing of dishonesty. “Hey, Damz and I… we still talk. We’re still friends. Tell her I say her.” Aradia nodded again. “Anything else buggin’ you?” Rufioh asked, desperate to get the attention away from himself.  
     Aradia sighed. “Just the story of my life. Relationship issues. Equius asked me out tonight and I didn’t know how to say no, and I think I really hurt Sollux.”  
     “Ah,” Rufioh said, biting his lip a little bit. “Been there too, doll, and I’m gonna share my motto with you: Never Panic. You’ll figure it out, I’m sure.”  
     “Have you?”  
     Rufioh chuckled lightly, running a hand through his hair. “Working on it. Zahhaks… man, they’re tricky. But hey, both of us should probably get some shut-eye.” Aradia nodded again, and she made her way upstairs as Rufioh returned to his own bed.

 

     He thought about the advice he’d given Aradia the next morning, and how true it really was. He wondered if he’d done the right thing, really, by not telling her the complete truth. Tavros seemed to notice Rufioh spacing out.  
   “Hey, bro?” Tavros asked. Rufioh jumped a bit, startled.  
     “Ah, hey, yeah, what’s up?”  
     “Are you okay?”  
     “Oh, yeah, I’m fine, Tav. Just got stuff on my mind.”  
     Tavros looked at him sideways. “Like what; relationship stuff?”  
     Rufioh chuckled. “It’s complicated, bro. Don’t worry about it.”

 

     Once the house was relatively clean, most evidence of the party cleared out, Rufioh returned to his room, picking up his phone. He felt bad for how he’d treated Damara, and for how he was treating Horuss now. He cared about Horuss, but they weren’t clicking as a couple, and instead of admitting that, Rufioh was stringing Horuss along because he didn’t feel confident enough in ending things, and part of him felt like he would have to prove his sexuality to his parents. Having a boyfriend would be proof enough, he figured, though that was a shitty reason to stay together, and he knew it. There was only one person he _really_ felt comfortable talking about it with, and that was Damara, as ironic as it was, so Rufioh pulled open Pesterchum.

 

amiableTorchbearer [AT] began pestering aiboAbunai [AA]

 

AT: hey doll  
AT: haven’t seen you in a while  
AT: you... drop out of school or something?  
AA: yes  
AA: i got new job instead  
AT: aw, thats a damn shame  
AA: aradia tell me you two talk at party  
AT: just giving her some... friendly advice  
AA: because you great at relationships right?  
AT: now don’t be like that, damz  
AA: can i ask  
AA: why you are bothering me  
AT: eheh  
AT: yeah  
AT: need some help  
AA: is it horuss help  
AT: yeah  
AT: i just  
AT: hes so overbearing... and clingy... sometimes  
AT: i used to be really happy with him  
AT: and now I’m kind of...  
AT: not  
AT: i dunno how to tell him  
AT: and i hesitate to even end it because like  
AT: i’m not... out yet  
AT: and i don’t want my parents to be all like... “well you’ve never been with a guy so how could you even know youre bi?”  
AT: that bullshit  
AA: rufioh i will say  
AA: do not do to him what you did to me  
AT: what do you mean?  
AA: you were not happy with me anymore  
AA: but also scared of saying bye  
AA: instead you go behind my back  
AA: cheat on me  
AA: hurt so much worse than being dumped  
AA: if horuss does not make you happy  
AA: he deserves to be told  
AA: do not string him along  
AA: with him and your parents  
AA: mostly yourself  
AT: dang doll  
AT: when did you get so smart  
AA: learned the hard way  
AT: hey damz  
AA: what  
AT: you’re not angry with me for all that happened, are you?  
AA: no  
AA: not anymore  
AA: moved on  
AT: really?  
AA: yes  
AA: you are a friend to me  
AA: i wish for your happiness  
AA: just sorry i couldn’t be that for you

 

aiboAbunai [AA] ceased pestering amiableTorchbearer

 

     Rufioh collapsed backwards onto his bed, letting out a heavy sigh as he did so. Tavros poked his head in, noticing his brother’s trouble, then let himself into the room.  
     “Uh, is everything okay, Rufioh?” Tavros asked, hesitantly.  
     Rufioh groaned. “No… I’m an asshole.”  
     “You’re not, uh, an asshole, Ruf.”  
     Rufioh sat up, staring his brother dead in the face. “Yeah, I am. I’ve done some… really shitty things to people. I don’t deserve to have a happy relationship right now.”  
     Tavros furrowed his brow. “Um, what do you mean? I mean, uh, I know things didn’t go well with Damara, but… that’s not really your fault, uh, right?”  
     Rufioh let out the longest sigh he ever had, leaning backwards a little bit, but not quite falling onto the bed again, and then looked at Tavros again. “No, actually, it kind of is. Uh, it _really_ is.” Tavros’ confused expression remained unchanged. “It’s time I told someone the truth about how that all went down. Just… promise me you won’t tell Mom and Dad. Or… anyone, actually. I, uh…” Rufioh ran his hand through his hair, as he did when he was nervous or anxious or uncomfortable. “It’s a long story, really. You know; me and Damara were really good friends before we dated, so when things started heading towards a relationship, I was glad. Like, I liked her. I was happy that we got together. But after a while… I can’t remember how long it really was that we were a couple. But, yeah, honestly I started to lose interest, like it just kind of faded. And I’ve heard people say that happens, but… Tav, I gotta be honest, I’m not that confident.”  
     Tavros scoffed. “Rufioh, you’re like, the most confident person I know! I wish I had the same self-esteem you do.”  
     “I appreciate the sentiment, Tavros, but I’m not. Have you ever heard the phrase ‘fake it ‘til you make it?’ That’s what I do. If I pretend I’m cool and confident, eventually all that positivity will come naturally.”  
     “Isn’t that kind of like lying to yourself?”  
     “I guess… if you want to look at it that way. But I think positive energy and thinking of yourself in a good way helps a lot… I don’t know; that’s not really the point. I mean, things between me and Damara kind of… faded. But I didn’t have the courage to tell her, and I didn’t think I’d ever be able to date anyone again, so we stuck it out. Girl was crazy hot, too, and I knew it was wrong for that to be the only reason I hung around, but… yeah…”  
     Tavros raised an eyebrow at his brother. “Rufioh, did you… have sex with her?” he asked, abashedly. Rufioh didn’t say anything, blushing a little bit. It was answer enough for Tavros, who didn’t want to ask any other questions about it.  
     “Uh… anyway. And then, Horuss started acting different, a couple months back. It seemed obvious that he was interested in me, not to flatter myself or anything, but he… isn’t the subtle sort. And, I mean, we were friends and all and I liked spending time with him, and we started hanging out more and more and I felt like… I felt like he and I were a good couple. So we just kind of… became one. Damara found out about us, meeting in secret and all, and she crashed the party and hurt both of us pretty bad. Can’t really say I blame her. I’d be pissed if I’d been cheated on, too, and bullied, the way Meenah treated her. Guess it was just her breaking point, and it _is_ my fault things ended the way they did. And now, here’s the kicker, Tav, now I really fucking miss her, and things are kind of fading with Horuss, and I’m finding myself in the same goddamn situation. Except Damara won’t give me the time of day, and Horuss… ugh, I think part of why I’m sticking around is so I can actually come out… I dunno. I just seem to ruin my own relationships.”  
     “Why do you think things are fading with Horuss?” Tavros asked.  
     “I just… he’s… so needy. I didn’t realize before, and I can’t… I don’t know. I just… it just did.”  
     “Shouldn’t you… just tell him that?”  
     “I should. I can’t. The way he looks at me… I don’t handle tears well.”  
     “Sorry, Ruf, but I think you’re going to have to. I… yeah,” Tavros muttered, scooting out of Rufioh’s room, a bit in disbelief at what he’d just heard.

     Rufioh sighed, grabbing his phone again. It had been going off through his entire conversation with Tavros.

cavalierTechnophilia [CT] began pestering amiableTorchbearer [AT]

 

CT: Rufioh?  
CT: I am aware you were watching your brother and his friends last night.  
CT: And may be a bit tired.  
CT: But there was something that I would really like to speak with you about.  
CT: Perhaps Pesterchum is not the best way to reach you.  
AT: oh, no, sorry doll  
AT: i was just talking to tav  
CT: Oh.  
CT: Well, that being the case…  
CT: Er…  
AT: what’s up?  
CT: I just missed you last night.  
CT: I had been hoping we would spend Halloween together  
AT: sorry...  
CT: Ah, no, it’s okay, Rufioh.  
CT: I just…  
AT: what did you want to talk about?  
CT: I…  
CT: Maybe it would be better to talk in person.  
AT: i cant, mom and dad are still gone  
AT: i have to keep an eye on tavros  
CT: Oh.  
CT: I just thought  
CT: Maybe we could spend a day together  
AT: er...  
AT: yeah maybe when my parents get home  
CT: Hmm.  
AT: so…  
AT: what was it you wanted to talk about  
CT: Well, you see, I was with Meulin and Kurloz last night.  
AT: that’s what i figured  
CT: And, they were talking about… physicality  
AT: right…  
CT: And I… um  
CT: Well, I was thinking that,  
CT: We’ve been together for a few months  
CT: And I do love you, Rufioh, I truly do  
CT: I know it seems foalish  
CT: Ah- foolish  
CT: To say that, as we are so young  
CT: But it’s true, and I thought that maybe  
CT: That is to say,  
CT: I was hoping you would be my first

 

     Rufioh stared blankly at the screen for a lingering moment, gritting his teeth before he answered.

 

AT: er  
AT: yeah…  
AT: i think maybe we do need to talk in person  
CT: Oh?  
AT: just…  
AT: i’ll figure out when i can  
CT: Um.  
CT: Alright.  
AT: sorry

 

amiableTorchbearer [AT] ceased pestering cavalierTechnophilia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh this chapter actually turned out to be longer than I thought. But yee here's one more focused on Rufioh.  
> Also listen I know cheating is shitty but don't be too hard on Rufioh, he's a confused child.


	8. It's Christmas Eve and I've Only Wrapped Two Fucking Presents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holiday problems and relationship drama

 

     The next month and a half seemed to pass quickly enough, despite Tavros noticing Rufioh avoiding his boyfriend and his problems in equal measure, to the point where they were out of school for holidays, and Rufioh could use the required family time as an excuse. Tavros felt bad for his brother, having found himself in such a precarious situation. Yeah, Tavros had to deal with Vriska, and he wasn’t sure what their relationship even was, but Rufioh was in this cycle of wanting to break up with Horuss, but not doing it, and saying everything was okay, and then it was, for a little while. It was evident that Rufioh knew he had to end things, but didn’t know how to do it. Even worse, Christmas was coming up. Which meant, Rufioh would suck it up for another two months, because he was too afraid to be the asshole who dumped someone right before Christmas, or New Years’, or Valentine’s Day… Tavros wished he could talk some sense into him, but Rufioh, despite asking for his advice, hardly cared to listen to what he actually had to say. Rufioh was on his own procrastination program, and his doubts were to the point that, when the boys went out shopping for Christmas presents, Rufioh wasn’t even sure whether or not to buy something for Horuss.

     Rufioh and Tavros were out shopping when this issue came up, a mere 2 weeks before the holiday. Tavros was typically even more of a procrastinator for holiday gifts, but Hanukkah was early this year, and he felt like it wouldn’t be a bad idea to get something for Vriska.  
     “What do you even buy for a girl?” Tavros asked, wheeling beside his brother, who looked down at him, though it was obvious his mind was elsewhere.  
     “Haven’t you gotten gifts for Vriska before?”  
     “I mean… yeah, but not, like… all the times before, I was just shopping for a friend. Now, I, uh.. I dunno.”  
     Rufioh raised an eyebrow. “You like her?”  
     Tavros shrugged a bit. “I dunno. We’re friends… we’ve kind of always had a thing?”  
     Rufioh scoffed. “She’s a bully, though. She literally pushed you down the stairs.”  
     “It was an accident!”  
     “Yeah, okay. I don’t know why you defend her. Vriska is literally such an asshole.”  
     Tavros scowled. “Rufioh, for once, can you just trust that I can make my own decisions about who and who not to involve in my own life?” Tavros was surprised at himself. He never said things like that, with such authority. Rufioh’s eyes widened a bit.  
     “Jeez, alright. I didn’t mean anything by it.”  
     Tavros sighed, rubbing his temple a bit. “I know she’s, uh, brash. But I care about Vriska, in more than a, um, platonic sense.”  
     “Fair enough. Get her, ah… something that has to do with her hobbies… get her a set of dice for D&D.”  
     “That’s… not a bad idea,” Tavros muttered. “Maybe some blue ones… What about you, Ruf, what are you going to get for Horuss?”  
     Rufioh’s face turned bright red. “I… I don’t know that I’ll get something for him. I think… I need to start spending less time with him. The only way he’ll understand a breakup is if he sees it coming.”  
     “But… you shouldn’t… I mean, isn’t that kind of…” Tavros murmured, his voice trailing off. He certainly objected to his brother’s idea of how to break up with someone, though being blindsided never felt good. The timing just seemed so poor. Dumping someone so close to Christmas just felt wrong, and it would feel wrong before New Year’s, and even before Valentine’s Day, but Tavros chose to leave his concerns unvoiced. It really wasn’t his business what relationship troubles Rufioh got himself into.

 

     As it turned out, Tavros’ objections were unnecessary, and the point came across anyway, he thought, as Rufioh did end up buying something for Horuss, though it was a cheap gift. Both of the boys did the rest of their shopping that day too, except, of course, the gifts for each other. Tavros clutched the tiny box full of iridescent blue dice he’d gotten for Vriska, smiling to himself in the front seat of the car. Rufioh grinned knowingly at him.  
     “What night are you supposed to go over?” Rufioh asked.  
     “I mean, she asked me about going over for Hanukah one night, but then her aunt decided to come out and she changed her mind about having me meet her family. Which, uh, was a little disappointing. Aranea was going to teach us how to make latkes.”  
     Rufioh chuckled. “That lesson would turn into a lecture real quickly,” he said.  
     Tavros grinned. “Yeah, so I’ve heard. But instead of doing that, we’re going to Feferi’s holiday party tonight. I’ll give this to Vriska then.”

 

     When the boys got home, Tavros quickly put Vriska’s gift into a bag with a small amount of tissue paper, being very, _very_ bad at wrapping presents. He grabbed a dollar for the bus and wheeled himself back outside, giving a quick goodbye to his parents before heading to the bus stop around the corner.  
     Tavros was used to the bus, and didn’t mind it, except for how awkwardly long it took to lower the wheelchair ramp. It was a bit of a ride up to Feferi’s house. She and Eridan lived near each other, up in the hills, the wealthy area of town. For some odd reason, as he made his way up to Feferi’s door, he felt his heart hammering in his chest. He was nervous about giving Vriska her gift, though it seemed silly.  
     A note was taped to the front door that said ‘Come on in!’, so Tavros opened the door and wheeled inside. Just on the other side of the door was Feferi. She squealed an excited hello at Tavros, and hugged him so hard that she almost pulled him out of his wheelchair before letting him into the house. It was clear that in his time spent on the ride over, almost everyone invited to the party had arrived, since Tavros wasn’t actually running that late. Sollux was tapping away on his phone, half-paying attention to Karkat’s daily rant, occasionally murmuring in agreement only to keep Karkat satiated. Nepeta was lurking nearby the two boys at the kitchen table, and Feferi had made her way back into the kitchen, stocking up on snacks. Rose was sitting in a chair nearby, having a book in her face even at the party, and Tavros noticed her and Kanaya exchanging glances. Eridan was hovering around, sometimes disappearing from the room. It seemed like he was having a hard time fitting in with everyone, even Feferi, which was unusual. Gamzee came in a moment after Tavros, smelling like he’d just smoked a bowl, since he probably had. And Terezi, Vriska, John, and Jade were hanging out on the couch. Jade was flipping through the music selections, and John and Vriska were exchanging, at least it seemed to Tavros, slightly flirtatious quips? Tavros felt a spurt of heat in his stomach. Jealousy? Vriska was laughing at John’s dumb humor and they were sitting way too close to cuddling proximity. Of course, Tavros thought, John probably had no idea, but it seemed way more than possible that Vriska was developing a crush on him, and Tavros knew he wanted to be the one to make her laugh the way John was making her laugh.

     He rolled into the family room, shuffling the present in his lap a little bit, and waited for an opening into the conversation.  
     “Did you have a chance to watch that awesome video I linked you to?” John asked.  
     “What video?” Vriska asked him back.  
     “You know… the one about the renegade hero who busted loose from the slammer to save the day.”  
     “John, the way you describe movies makes them sound extremely stupid. Why would I want to watch this crap?”  
     “Just do it, you won’t be sorry. I mean, when you are not so busy or whatever.”  
     “Uh, hey, guys,” Tavros said, clearing his throat.  
     “Hey Tavros!”  
     “’sup, Toreadork?” John and Vriska greeted him simultaneously. A few of the others greeted Tavros.  
     “I, uh… got this. For you,” Tavros stammered, thrusting the present awkwardly forward into Vriska’s hands. Vriska raised an eyebrow as she took it, several of their friends turning to watch as she opened it, and Tavros felt his cheeks flush. Terezi snickered.  
     “This oughta be good,” Vriska said, not quite sneering, but still an ounce of teasing in her voice as she dug through the tissue paper. She crumpled it up, tossing it playfully at John before removing the box of dice from the bag. She held it so delicately, a smile growing on her face, and Tavros smiled too, with the pleasure that he had finally done something right in her eyes. And then Vriska’s smile dropped, and Tavros had no idea what to make of her reaction. Vriska gave a short, derisive laugh before she was grinning, but it wasn’t the same warm smile Tavros had seen a moment ago. It was a sharp sneer.  
     “Nice present, Toreadork. Like I don’t have plenty of dice,” she said in that typical Vriska tone; sharp and berating.  
     “I just thought, uh, I…”  
     “‘I, uh, um…’ Please, Tavros, spare us all from your pathetic whimpering for a change.”  
     “But--”  
     “What’s your deal, anyway? I don’t see you hauling in presents for anyone _else._ I know I’m special and all, but if this is your way of showing me that you like me, then forget it.”  
     Tavros didn’t have any words, his face bright red and warm. There was a sense of shock in the air. John started saying something in a scolding manner to Vriska but everything seemed muffled to Tavros. He wheeled into the closest bathroom to compose himself; wipe some of the nervous sweat and shock off his face.  
     What just happened? Vriska looked genuinely happy at first, and then twisted the entire situation, just to embarrass him. It didn’t matter. Tavros took a breath. At least he tried.

 

     After calming down a little bit, Tavros rejoined the party, which also seemed to have calmed down a little bit. Dave had arrived in Tavros’ absence and was chatting with John and Terezi at the kitchen table. At least Dave was keeping John away from Vriska. There was something starting there that Tavros got a sick feeling about. Vriska, immediately upon Tavros’ re-entry into the room, began flicking popcorn at him from across the counter. He scowled at her and she laughed, popping a piece into her mouth.  
     “You’re supposed to catch it, dumbass,” she said. Tavros sighed and moved closer to the couch.  
     He tried to brush off Vriska’s shitty behavior and have a good time, and once he’d started chatting with the others he began to have a better time and all but forgot the poor start his evening had. Feferi pointed out that she’d rearranged the furniture in the other room to create a dance floor of sorts, and warned the others about the mistletoe. Apparently there was more than one bundle, and Tavros was honestly surprised there hadn’t been any encounters yet. At least, none he’d heard about. Eridan looked more sullen than usual at Feferi’s mention of kisses.  
     Equius and Aradia came in quite a bit later, but Tavros was glad to see them. Aradia had been quite distant lately, and Tavros assumed a portion of that came from her quite sporadic relationship with Equius that began shortly after his Halloween party (another episode of Vriska’s attitude at work). But it was still nice to see Aradia come out, and try to smile.  
     After saying hello to everyone, and after returning from a chat with Nepeta, Equius came and sat next to Vriska. Vriska was on the edge of the couch, closest to Tavros, and Aradia sat on Equius’ opposite side.  
     “Hi, Equius,” Tavros said. He and Equius didn’t talk much, but they were more than civil with each other. Equius always seemed so awkward.  
     “Hello, Tavros,” Equius grunted, his eyes drifting to Tavros’ dangling legs. Tavros refrained from commenting, but he did certainly wish that wasn’t Equius’ focus. Equius seemed to notice Tavros’ unsettled expression. “Er, forgive me. I was merely thinking about my latest robotics project. You see, I have been designing a new kind of prosthetic leg,” Equius explained.  
     “You trying to get Tavros out of his crummy-ass wheelchair, Zahhak?” Vriska asked, a handful of food in her mouth.  
     “Please, Vriska, mind your manners,” Equius chided.  
     “Don’t think you can tell me what to do!”  
     Equius faltered. Vriska’s brash nature seemed to make everyone do that at some point. Equius turned back to Tavros. “I could design and build a pair specifically to fit you, if you’d like.”  
     “Thanks, Equius, but prosthetics won’t help me. It’s not my legs that are the problem, it’s the spinal damage.”  
     “But see, that’s _why_ I’m designing a new kind of prosthetic. It’s meant to connect to the nervous system, though I haven’t quite perfected it. Your nerves are like your body’s wiring, so I am making a way to connect your wiring to the leg’s wiring at the spine, whereas most prosthetics connect at a joint.”  
     “You should go for it, Tavros,” Vriska said. “Maybe you won’t be so useless then.”  
     Tavros was starting to feel heated again, but he didn’t want to lose his temper.  
     “Sorry, Equius,” he said, beginning to move away from the couch, “I’m just not sure I’m comfortable with that.”  
     Out of the corner of his eye, Tavros spotted Gamzee just outside the back door, and in a moment of desperation decided to join him for a smoke again.  
     “Hey, Gamzee!” Tavros called, following the boy outside.  
     “Hey! What the motherfuck is up, my man?”  
     Tavros approached Gamzee. “This is gonna sound, uh, weird coming from me, but you wouldn’t happen to have any, uh….”  
     “You lookin’ to share a bowl, brother? Fuck yeah, man, I can hook a motherfuckin’ brother up.”

     Gamzee took out a pipe this time, instead of a blunt, and carefully packed it, Tavros studying the way his fingers moved. Gamzee winked at his fascinated friend before whipping his lighter out. After his first puff, Gamzee let out a chuckle that morphed halfway through into a cackle, and handed the pipe to Tavros.  
     “Take it while you can, bro, this is some of the last I fuckin’ got,” Gamzee said, still grinning. Tavros coughed, a small amount of smoke escaping.  
     “What do you mean?”  
     “Tryin’ to quit smokin’ so motherfuckin’ much, bro, it ain’t good for my fuckin’ lungs. That’s my New Year’s fuckin’ Resolution, so I only got the shit for a couple more weeks, brother.”  
     Tavros bit his lip for a moment, then smiled. “Well, good for you, Gamzee.”  
     He supposed he couldn’t bum off Gamzee’s weed any time Vriska acted out, then. Maybe he should just be honest about his feelings.

 

     Gamzee and Tavros finished the bowl, and Gamzee disappeared back inside. Tavros pulled his sweater on tighter, sitting in silence for a few moments until he heard footsteps, and a pair of red boots appeared on the ground in front of him.  
     “You are just so insufferable,” he heard Vriska’s voice and looked up at her. “Trying to make me look all soft like that in front of everybody.”  
     “I… wasn’t trying to make you look soft. I just thought you’d like them.”  
     “So…” Vriska looked confused. “That was a genuine gesture of affection?”  
     “Um… yeah? Not everyone messes with feelings like you do.”  
     “And just what is that supposed to mean?” Vriska asked, suddenly angry. God, she was so hard to read sometimes.  
     “I just meant--” Before Tavros could finish his answer, Vriska’s hands were at his chest, pulling him by the shirt upwards and into a kiss. He had no idea what was happening, his hands kind of flailing wildly at his sides, and he was shoved back into the wheelchair after a minute.  
     “God, you’re an idiot, Tavros,” Vriska said, still looking confused herself before skulking back into the house.

 

     Man, girls were hard to understand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAhhhh omg this chapter took forever
> 
> Vriska is... very interesting to write. She seems to not understand her own feelings a lot in canon and I'm trying to reflect that here.  
> Also keep in mind that it IS from Tav's perspective and he seemed to put up with her bullshit more than anyone else. 
> 
> ANYWAY uh title is from Blink-182's song "Happy Holidays You Bastard" and obviously it isn't ACTUALLY christmas eve in the story but I thought the line suited the panic the boys are having that pertain to the holiday
> 
> bluhhh im rambling now
> 
> Some of the John and Vriska dialogue comes from this page http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=004684


	9. Unwrapped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tavros is starting to get some resolve.

     Tavros avoided Pesterchum for a while, not sure if he really wanted to talk to Vriska. He made a second trip back to the mall to get Rufioh’s present, and before he even knew it, Christmas came around.  
     Tavros _loved_ Christmas. He woke up early, like he did every year, and tried to contain his excitement. He did have to wait for the rest of the family to wake up anyway, so he turned his Playstation on and played some games to kill time, keeping the volume pretty low. Low enough that he could hear through the walls, and hear Rufioh wake up, and Rufioh woke up in a startle. When Rufioh woke up his first though was not ‘it’s Christmas!’, it was the fact that he had yet to come out to his parents, and he’d promised Horuss, and New Year’s was now only a week away. Tavros slipped out of his bed and into his chair, excited that someone else was awake to share the anticipation with him, and went to his brother’s door.  
     “Rufioh, you awake?” Tavros whispered, excitedly. “Let’s go get Mom and Dad!”  
     “I’m not quite ready, Tav,” Rufioh answered through the door. “Come in.”  
     Tavros let himself into his brother’s room, confused as to why he could possibly be in distress on _Christmas,_ what was possibly the _best day of the entire year_. At least, that’s what Tavros made of it. Rufioh was collapsed face-down on his bed when Tavros came in.  
     “What’s wrong?” Tavros asked.  
     “I have to tell Mom and Dad,” Rufioh muttered, rolling even further into the pillows.  
     “What, about Horuss?”  
     “Mhm.”  
     “Well, d- don’t put it off for too long,” Tavros said, not really sure how good his advice actually was. He did think Rufioh needed to say something; their parents had always been supportive and maybe it would be a surprised to them, but it wasn’t as if they were in a situation where either one of them would be disowned for being anything other than straight. And once Rufioh got that off his chest, maybe things with Horuss wouldn’t be so weird? Tavros just wanted his brother to be happy, and maybe having the freedom to be himself would help with that. He didn’t really know how he could help, besides continuing to be supportive and encouraging.  
     Rufioh groaned into the pillow, then rolled over and took a breath before sitting up.  
   “Fuuuuuuuuh…. Okay. Fine. I’ll just have to do it today. Fuck. I can do that. It’s Christmas. They won’t make a scene,” Rufioh said, clearly trying to reassure himself, but he was nearly smiling by the time he was done. Tavros grinned back at him.  
     “Good. C’mon.” He excitedly wheeled out of Rufioh’s room into the main living area-slash-kitchen, where the tree was set up in a corner near the TV, absolutely exploding with presents underneath. Much to Tavros’ surprise, his parents were in the kitchen, waiting for him and Rufioh, who entered behind Tavros, feigning grogginess.  
     “Morning, boys,” Magnolia said, with a chuckle. “Merry Christmas.”  
     “Oh, hey, Mom,” Tavros said. “I didn’t think you would be up already.”  
     “Gotta beat you to Christmas at least once,” Sam said lightheartedly.  
     “Oh. Well, Merry Christmas, then!” Tavros grinned.

 

     Christmas was an incredibly pleasant time in the Nitram house. It was one of the only times through the entire year that Sam and Magnolia were guaranteed to be home. Most of the gifts were small, as the family wasn’t incredibly well-to-do, but they were vastly appreciated anyway. Tavros got a couple of packs of Magic cards and new gloves. His old ones were starting to tear. Rufioh got another refill of that red hair dye he loved so much and a DVD set of his favorite anime. He sat cross-legged with the DVD box in his hand, glancing up and down for a moment before clearing his throat. Tavros glanced over first, easily reading the nervousness on Rufioh’s face and knowing what was about to happen.  
     “Uh, thanks. I’ve been trying to get m-my boyfriend into this, and, uh…” Rufioh’s voice trailed off as he struggled to decipher the expressions on his parents’ faces. Sam and Magnolia were quiet for a moment, staring at Rufioh.  
   “Boyfriend?” Sam questioned.  
   “Yeah. H-Horuss?”  
     “Zahhak?”  
     Rufioh gulped and nodded.  
     “Mm, he seems nice,” Sam said, letting all surprise drop from his voice and returning to his cheerful tone.  
     “You’re…you’re not mad?” Rufioh asked, looking for answers.  
     “Why would we be mad?” Magnolia answered. She came down from the couch to Rufioh’s level on the floor, gently touching his shoulder. “Rufioh, love is love. I’m just glad you felt comfortable enough to tell us you’re gay.”  
     Rufioh faltered. “N-not exactly; I’m actually bisexual.”  
     “Oh,” Magnolia paused, “that’s fine too, sweetheart. Your father and I will always be here for you.”  
     Rufioh exhaled lightly, clearly a bit more comfortable with everything now. Tavros smiled at him as if to say, ‘I told you it would be fine.’

 

     The rest of the day passed by uneventfully, until the evening rolled around. Every year, Spencer Slick had a Christmas party, and every year since they’d moved into that house, the Nitram family was invited by Harold Boxcars, and they went. Tavros even brought Vriska along with them, something his parents and brother grumbled about, but ultimately allowed.  
     Tavros glanced over at Vriska in the car, but she was preoccupied, paying more attention to her phone, her thumbs twiddling away at the keypad.  
     “Who’re you, uh, messaging?” Tavros asked, his voice weak. Vriska looked up at him for a moment.  
     “John. Not that it’s any of your business.” She turned her attention back to her phone, grinning stupidly. Tavros felt a shard of jealousy. How did John capture her attention so easily? Why did she seem so much softer with John? It wasn’t fair, Tavros thought, for John to just step in and for Vriska to immediately feel… whatever that attraction was, for him. For John, and not for Tavros. Tavros swallowed his jealousy. It was Christmas. He couldn’t let himself feel crummy, especially about Vriska. He already spent enough time feeling crummy about her.  
     The Nitrams, plus Vriska, arrived earlier than most. Tavros said some polite hellos to Spencer and Harold before being informed that there were some video games set up.  
     “Yeah, I put some stuff in the room upstairs for you kids,” Spencer said in his raspy voice.  
     “Upstairs?” Tavros asked.  
     Spencer paused for a moment. “Aw shit dammit!” he shouted, realizing his mistake.  
     “It’s alright,” Tavros said, trying to calm Mr. Slick’s nerves. He wasn’t sure what else to say, but attention was drawn away from him with the Captors’ arrival at the door. Spencer turned to greet them, and Tavros shot a look at Rufioh. He nodded towards the stairs and Rufioh nodded back, knowing exactly what Tavros was signaling. Tavros said hello to Sollux’s fathers. Sollux came in with a few grumbles.  
     “Hey guys,” he murmured, barely being cordial to Tavros, Vriska, and Rufioh. “Guess we’re being exiled upstairs.” Sollux started walking upstairs. Vriska smirked and Tavros wished he could just easily follow Sollux instead of having to do what he was about to do. Rufioh lifted Tavros out of his wheelchair and carried him up the stairs while Vriska laughed behind them. At least she had the courtesy to hoist his chair up with her.  
     Tavros hated situations like this. He hated when his brother had to carry him like an infant. He hated the feeling of being incapable of taking care of himself. It was almost a feeling of degradation, and he tried to take everything in stride, because there wasn’t anything to do about it, but Tavros detested being paralyzed. He always told everyone, including himself, that everything was okay, but he always wished he could walk again, or at least be self-reliant. And he thought he was self-reliant, for the most part, but in that moment, where Rufioh carried him up Spencer Slick’s stairs, hearing Vriska stifling her laughter, it sank in. Tavros felt useless.  
     All of these thoughts ran through his head in a very brief amount of time. Rufioh made it up the stairs and put Tavros back in his chair as soon as Vriska wrangled it through the door.  
     “Okay, little man, I’m gonna go chill with the adults,” Rufioh said. “Holler if you need me.” Tavros nodded before Rufioh left the room. He couldn’t help but notice Vriska’s satisfied grin.  
     Sollux already had the gaming console on, and he tossed Tavros the second controller.  
     “Hey Tav, race me,” he said. Tavros smiled as much as he could make himself.  
     “You’re on.”

 

     Tavros tried to forget all that negativity, and it worked for a little while. He gave Aradia a _real_ smile when she arrived, but she hardly seemed to reciprocate.  
     “Hi Aradia,” Tavros said as she came into the room.  
     “Hey Tav… Sollux…” Her voice was distant.  
     “’sup,” Sollux lisped back, not looking towards her. Tavros tried to watch her face as Aradia dropped onto the bed.  
     “What, don’t I get a hello?” Tavros heard Vriska hiss at Aradia.  
     “Don’t you have your own family to bother? It is Christmas,” Aradia muttered. Tavros could almost feel the wheels of indignation turning in Vriska’s mind.  
     “Wha- I’m _Jewish_ , you asshole.”

     Tavros did his best to ignore Vriska, though he did feel a little guilty about not intervening on Aradia’s behalf. It seemed like Aradia was going through enough trouble lately as it was, but Tavros also didn’t want to piss Vriska off any further than she already was, so he just kept his attention on the video game Sollux was completely winning anyway. Tavros tuned most things out, until the kids were called down because dinner was ready. Vriska all but sprinted out the door, pushing Sollux aside as she did so.

     “Move it, loser!” she shouted, rushing past him.  
     “Oh my god, shut up,” Sollux murmured. Tavros fumbled with his wheelchair, trying to move closer to the door, but he quickly realized what a predicament he was in again. Aradia looked back at him.  
     “Hey Tav… how did you get up here?” she asked. Tavros felt his face flush.  
     “Uh, Rufioh… he carried me up. C-could you go get him, actually?” It was embarrassing enough the first time, now Tavros had to deal with it again.  
     “Sure,” Aradia answered. At least she was nice about it.  
     Tavros found himself waiting a while for Aradia to return with Rufioh, and he was sure something had happened, based on how furious Aradia looked at dinner. Tavros could tell she was fighting to keep it together. Vriska, as was in her nature, made more snide comments about Tavros’ wheelchair-bound-ness, and in that moment Tavros knew what his New Years’ Resolution was. He would either get Vriska to fall for him, or get out of her life. He didn’t know which it would be, but either way; the belittling comments would end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting closer to wrapping this one up! I'm honestly probably more excited to write Sollux's stuff but this has like 5 or 6 more chapters.


	10. A Lack of Sobriety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apparently getting drunk can finally help the truth come out.

         Tavros found himself planning to attend another party about a week later. Feferi was hosting a get-together for New Years. Tavros was nervous, hoping he would finally get another kiss from Vriska. He was determined to be her midnight kiss, as awkward and overwhelming the idea felt. His relationship with Vriska was… bittersweet at best. Lukewarm? Vriska was on and off, and she’d been hanging all over John lately, something that Tavros found himself feeling almost angry about. He wasn’t one to get jealous, but he honestly couldn’t help it. And he wasn’t even sure if he really liked Vriska, because she was a bully, or if he just stuck around because she never outright rejected him. The whole thing was very confusing. Tavros’ Pesterchum went off.

 

terminallyCapricious [TC] began pestering adiosToreador [AT]

TC: yoooooo  
TC: what the motherfuck is up my brother?  
TC: you gonna be fucking kicking it at fefs motherfucking party tonight bro?  
AT: oh, yeah, im gonna head over there soon  
TC: better fuckin beat johnbro there  
TC: get some fuckin time with vris before shes all motherfuckin tangled up in all his goddamn words and motherfuckin shit  
TC: motherfucker’s got a way of makin her laugh  
AT: can we maybe not talk about that?  
TC: sorry bro, didnt mean to hit a motherfuckin sensitive spot  
AT: it’s alright  
AT: I mean  
AT: i want to be vriska’s midnight kiss  
TC: motherfuuuuuuck bro  
TC: youre gonna fuckin go for it bro?  
AT: should i?  
TC: hey dont fuckin look at me all funny like that for motherfuckin advice  
TC: i cant even get all my own motherfuckin shit together bro  
TC: tonights my last fuckin hurrah with the drugs and shit motherfucking gotta quit for new years and shit  
TC: kurloz is quitting too so i wont even have motherfuckin access to the shit  
AT: oh  
AT: well thats a good thing, right?  
AT: you know that stuff is, uh, bad for you  
TC: man don’t you motherfuckin start lecturing me too bro  
TC: why dont we just fuckin slam about it  
AT: ahahhhh, shall i  
AT: cue up the  
AT: strict beats????  
TC: awwww brother now you all fuck and up and done it  
TC: you are fucking wheel deep in a big sloppy massacre pie topped with motherfucking whipped rhyme  
TC: how strict are those beats at, motherfucker?  
AT: well, i,  
AT: turned up those bitches to pretty stern,  
AT: set beats to lecture, and, i’m kind of going hog wild on the curmudgeon knob  
AT: which i had recently installed  
TC: god damn!  
TC: tell me more while i get my reach on for this frosty brew  
AT: okay  
AT: imagine an array of beats that set limits  
AT: they got a rulebook, it doesn’t pay to skim it  
AT: because, there’s not a lot of latitude  
AT: they won’t stand for an attitude  
AT: and crossing them’s a habit you’d  
AT: (not really want to get into because, uhhhh),  
AT: they’d get pretty mad at you,  
TC: fuuuuuck, so fuckin fresh  
TC: you need to be slapped fuckin silly with a mouth like that! haha  
AT: and if you got a problem with it,  
AT: then i suggest you go and rap it, dude  
TC: ok i will  
TC: wait shit  
AT: oh is it,  
AT: your dad?  
TC: yeah i gotta motherfuckin go  
TC: see ya later bro  
AT: yeah,  
AT: sure

terminallyCapricious [TC] ceased pestering adiosToreador [AT]

 

     Tavros scrolled down his chumroll, not really sure why he did so. Maybe he was procrastinating, because he was so nervous about Feferi’s party, and nervous about trying to kiss Vriska again. There was her handle; she was online. Tavros bit his lip. He didn’t want to butt into something that wasn’t his business, especially with Vriska, but he couldn’t help but remember the way she’d talked to Aradia at the Christmas party. Just as Tavros prepared to type a message, one appeared on his screen.

 

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling adiosToreador [AT]

AG: Heeeeeeey, Tavros  
AT: ummm, hey, vriska  
AT: funny you messaged me  
AT: i was about to talk to you  
AG: Oh reaaaaaaaally?  
AG: What would you want to talk to little ol’ me about?  
AT: well, I, uh  
AT: thought about the way you were teasing aradia on Christmas  
AG: Ugh, that emotionless automaton?  
AT: hey, aradia is my friend  
AG: Whatever.  
AT: anyway, i think you kind of…  
AT: might be pushing friends away with your attitude?  
AG: Wow, Tavros, what the fuck?  
AT: i just mean  
AT: some of the things you say are kind of harsh  
AT: i’m not saying it to be mean  
AG: Yeah, I know, you’re saying it because you’re my friend, and you don’t want to see me isolate myself. Whatever, Tavros, don’t tell me how to live my life.  
AT: i, uh, didn’t mean it like that  
AG: Then how did you mean it?  
AT: i dunno  
AT: uh, sorry  
AG: You should be.  
AT: anyway…  
AT: what were you messaging me about?  
AG: Just wondering if you’re not so much a lame-ass that you’d bail on Feferi’s party.  
AT: i was planning on going  
AT: if that’s what you mean  
AG: Alright, then, Tavros  
AG: See you later :::;)

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased pestering adiosToreador [AT]

 

     Tavros groaned. Vriska was easily the master of mixed messages and Tavros hated himself for always buying into it. Why did he even like her? What… Tavros looked back at his computer screen, Vriska’s last message taunting him. What did the winky face mean? Tavros was pretty sure that Vriska was more interested in John at this point. Not that the fact was going to stop Tavros from _trying._ It reminded him of what Rufioh said about pretending to be confident. It hadn’t gone well with Jade, but maybe if Tavros didn’t draw so much attention to that false confidence… It would be fine, Tavros told himself, and he kept telling himself that until he got to the party at Feferi’s house.

 

     Feferi opened the door, beaming as she usually was, and she knelt down to hug Tavros.  
     “Tavros! It’s so good to see you!” she said, smile never fading.  
     “Hey, Fef,” Tavros said, much less excitement in his voice than in hers. “You say that like I haven’t seen you in forever, but it’s only been a few weeks.”  
     “I know, it’s just that… I’m excited, that’s all!”  
     “Yeah… weird, that your mom lets you throw parties so much.”  
     “She’s out of town for work a lot. Besides, she says it’s good to be social, she says it’s good practice for networking.”  
     “Networking?”  
     “My mom has it in her head that I’m going to take over the family company since it’s pretty clear to all of us that Meenah has no intention of taking it.”  
     “So you will?” They began walking as they talked.  
     “Well, I’m not opposed to it. I’ll have to change some policies, of course.”  
     “You sure seem to have your life figured out already. Doesn’t it seem a little early to have everything planned out? We’re only… 14. That’s still being a kid, right?”  
     Feferi sighed, and it was probably the first time Tavros had ever seen her without a smile on her face.  
     “I guess I just don’t have that luxury,” she said, a twinge of sadness in her voice, but she quickly shrugged it off, and her smile took up her face again in an instant. “But don’t let me keep you, Tavros! Enjoy the party!” And she was off to refill snacks. Tavros glanced around the room. The first thing he noticed was that Vriska and John could not have been sitting further apart. Did something happen between them? It didn’t matter, Tavros thought, grinning. That meant Vriska would be all his tonight. He hoped.  
     Tavros rolled his chair over to Vriska.  
     “Hey, Vriska,” he said, still smiling wide.  
     Vriska looked up from her phone at him. “Oh, heeeeeeeey, Tavros. What’s with that stupid grin? You look like you won the fucking lottery. Which is impossible, ‘cause it implies you winning.”  
     Tavros’ smile fell. Shit. She was in a bad mood. “I was just saying hello?”  
     “Yeah, well… ugh. Whatever.” ‘Whatever’ was what Vriska said when she couldn’t think of a snarky comeback. Tavros backed up a bit.  
     “Sorry, uh, for bothering you.”  
     “Hey, it’s all good,” Vriska said, her voice now much softer. Tavros got the feeling she was just as confused about what they even were as he was. Great. “Just got to remind you who’s really in charge of the relationship here.”  
     Tavros furrowed his brow, not sure whether to frown or smile. “R-relationship?”  
     Vriska grinned that devious Vriska grin. “Please, Tav, you know you and I have always had something.” Tavros looked at Vriska, who was drawing closer, and caught her eyes flutter up to John, then turned to look at John himself. John frowned, blushing a little bit, then turned away, focusing on whatever Dave and Jade were trying to talk to him about. Tavros got the distinct feeling he was being used. God dammit. Something in him just broke. It clicked in his mind how emotionally manipulative Vriska really was, and he finally realized he didn’t actually want any part in it. He backed up his chair a little more, prompting Vriska to look at him with confusion in her eyes. He shot a fake smile at her, then vaguely gestured towards Gamzee, who was lurking at the punch bowl, while sputtering something about having to talk to him.

     Gamzee looked up as Tavros approached him. Tavros felt panicked; he wasn’t entirely sure why. Gamzee just smiled, blithely unaware of anything that was going on around him.  
     “Hey bro!” Gamzee said, obviously still indulging in the fact that New Years’ had not yet passed, and he could, without breaking his resolution, smoke weed. “What the motherfuck is up?”  
     “I… I don’t know what to do about Vris- is that vodka?” Tavros asked, only just noticing the bottle in Gamzee’s hand.  
     “Yeah, thought I’d liven this party up a bit, brother, and motherfuckin’ spiked punch never fails.”  
     “H-how did you even get that? No, it doesn’t matter. Gamzee, we can’t drink, we’re like, 14.”  
     “You ain’t gonna tell anybody, are you, bro?”  
     There was something vaguely threatening about the way Gamzee said that. Tavros felt something sick in his gut for a moment, but let it pass.  
     “No,” Tavros muttered.  
     “A’ight, cool,” Gamzee said, back to his loose, smiling self. “So, what did you wanna fuckin’ talk about bro? Vriska? Thought you were gonna kiss her tonight.” Gamzee winked at Tavros.  
     “Yeah, but, see, that’s what she wants. She’s using me now to make John jealous.”  
     “Whoaaaaaa, motherfuck, man.”  
     “Yeah…”  
     “So… you’re free, for a midnight kiss then?” Gamzee said, waggling his eyebrows, insinuating… well, something. Tavros grimaced, but still blushed a little bit.  
     “I don’t… I… fuck, Gamzee, give me a glass of that spiked punch.”  
     Gamzee looked absolutely baffled for a moment, then with a chuckle, finished dumping the entire bottle into the punch, and poured Tavros a cup. “Watch it, bro, vodka can be motherfuckin’ harsh,” Gamzee said, though he was sure to keep his voice down. Tavros took a sip, feeling the burn a little bit in the back of his throat.

 

   Tavros found himself returning to the drink table more than once, not even minding the taste after a while. Karkat was the one who caught on to Gamzee when he went to get a glass of punch, though it wasn’t until after Tavros had drank at least three.  
     “Why’s this taste weird?” Karkat asked, looking down at his cup, a frown set deep into his face. Gamzee snickered, leaning against a wall nearby. Karkat looked from the cup, to Gamzee, back and forth a couple of times, before throwing the punch in Gamzee’s face. “You piece of shit! You spiked the goddamn punch!” Karkat yelled. Gamzee kept laughing, disregarding the sticky drink dripping down his face.  
     “No wonder Tavros looks worse than usual,” Vriska sneered. Tavros didn’t even care at that point. He was, amazingly, the only one who had even gone for the punch, and therefore, the only one having sobriety problems. It was nearly midnight at that point, and Tavros was sitting a bit too close to Vriska again. He looked down to find her hand on his knee. He laughed a bit too loudly when he realized, knowing she’d probably been trying to get his attention for a while, but he hadn’t been able to feel it. As the countdown commenced, Vriska invited herself to sit in Tavros’ lap, in the wheelchair. Tavros laughed again.  
   “Waht’re you doin’?” Tavros slurred.  
     “I was gonna kiss you at midnight, you drunk fool.”  
     “Ahah!” Tavros said, shifting his arms to push Vriska off of him. She stood, very awkwardly, and looked around, everyone looking back. Tavros was completely unaware of the attention he was drawing to them. “I, uh, no. Nnnno,” Tavros kept slurring, gesturing widely with his arms. “You don’ wanna kiss meeee, you! Jus’ wanna make… John… jealous.” Vriska blushed bright red, looking over in a panic at John. “An anyway! I don’ think I wannaaa kiss you, anymore. You’re uhhhh, a mean. Person. You are mean to me. I don’ like it. And if I haaaad to geuss, I don’ think that, uh, mister John likes it very much, either. I know… most of us? Don’t like it either. And uh, that’s just. Sad. Vriskers. That most of us don’t really like you? You’re… too mean, eheheh. Gamzee! Can I have anudder drink?”  
     Most of the friends were silent, all except Gamzee, who was laughing wildly.

 

     Tavros woke up the next morning with an amazingly bad headache. He remembered… most of the night. He remembered saying a lot of things to Vriska, just before midnight. That was the last thing. In the time since then, someone put him on the couch to sleep… wait. There were someone else’s arms around him. They were spooning. The other person snored- Gamzee. That was… weird. Tavros didn’t want to shift around too much, partially because Gamzee was still asleep, and partially because his head was spinning. His stomach churned, and he knew he needed to move. He woke Gamzee up as fast as he could, but it didn’t matter. Tavros threw up on Feferi’s mom’s new rug.

 

     His head was still spinning by the time his mom came to pick him up. Tavros tried to act normal, as he didn’t want to get anyone else in trouble. Though he doubted it would matter. He was the only one who actually drank. As soon as Tavros got to his computer- the screen was making his headache worse- he saw unread messages from Vriska.

 

arachnidsGrip [AG] began pestering adiosToreador [AT]

AG: Tavros!!!!!!!!  
AG: You want to tell me what the FUCK that was all about?  
AG: You’re a goddamn embarrassment  
AG: I can’t believe you got wasted and SAID all that shit  
AG: In front of EVERYBODYYYYYYYY!  
AG: Was your goal to humiliate me?  
AG: Make me look like an idiot?  
AG: Because NEWSFLASH!  
AG: It doesn’t matter what you said, because you were fucking DRUNK!!!!!!!!  
AG: Why were you even drinking?  
AG: I bet you knew there was shit in the punch  
AG: Don’t think we didn’t all see you in the corner whispering to Gamzee.  
AT: wow  
AT: hi, vriska  
AT: don’t think im not paying for drinking  
AT: my head really fucking hurts  
AG: Serves you right, dumbass.  
AT: but um  
AT: i don’t think what i said to you was wrong?  
AG: Excuse you?  
AT: i mean  
AT: blunt? Yes  
AT: but…  
AT: i don’t think i’m really romantically interested in you  
AT: and i don’t think you are or have been in me, either  
AT: i stand by what i said last night  
AG: You really think all our friends hate me?  
AT: …no……  
AT: but i do think you were using me to make john jealous  
AT: and i don’t think it would make a difference  
AG: Maybe you’re right, Tavros  
AG: Maybe I just don’t know how to be nice.  
AT: wow…  
AT: really?  
AG: Maybe?  
AG: I don’t know.  
AG: I have to go.

 arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased pestering adiosToreador [AT]

 

     Vriska didn’t talk to Tavros for the rest of break, even going so far as to ditch English class. Though, she’d been doing it before break, so Tavros doubted it had to do with him. He saw Aradia get up about ten minutes before class ended.  
     “Where’re you going?” he asked.  
     “I have something to deal with,” Aradia murmured before leaving. The way she said that gave Tavros such an ominous feeling.  
     As it turned out, Tavros was right. When class got out, Tavros entered the hallway to find a crowd forming. He made his way towards the front of whatever they were crowding around, and doing so, found Aradia standing over Vriska, who was on the ground, bleeding and clutching her prosthetic. Aradia glanced at Tavros, who looked from her to Vriska, before Aradia left the scene. The crowd began to disperse, but Tavros stayed. He helped Vriska off the ground to the best of his ability.  
     “Come on, I’ll take you to the nurse,” he said, pulling the wounded girl into his chair. She was clinging a little too tightly for Tavros to really feel comfortable, but he didn’t want to make things any worse.  
     “Why are you helping me?” she asked.  
     “Jeez, Vriska, just because I don’t want to date you doesn’t mean we aren’t friends.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this was actually a p long chapter, but it worked out that way because of the timeline.  
> I don't condone underage drinking, btw, (at least not as underage as 14) but it's weird to think about because this kind of shit happens in canon. Okay, well, Rose was like 16 when she started, but you know what I mean. 
> 
> Anyway yeah this is almost done. 
> 
> Took a small amount of dialogue from here: http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=004023


	11. Pining for Normality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tavros gets that much closer to getting his life back

 

     Tavros felt weird being the one to take Vriska to Ms. Paint's office that day, but it also didn’t feel right leaving her on her own, bleeding in the hallway. He didn’t stay for very long, just long enough to make sure Vriska would be okay, and she seemed very upset when he left, but it was time for class; there was nothing he could do about that.  
     The group dynamic was stilted after all that. Aradia was suspended, and then her dad made her change schools. Vriska was strangely subdued. Gamzee was even weirder than usual. Tavros suspected the latter had to do with Gamzee quitting his unsavory habits. Tavros himself hadn’t been great about those habits, either, though, so he supposed it wasn’t his place to judge. No, it definitely wasn’t; not after he’d gotten completely wasted on New Year’s Eve. At any rate, while most of his friends, tried to pretend everything was normal, Tavros could feel a change. He hoped it would be one for the better, but was having a hard time convincing even himself of that.

 

     Tavros arrived to English early one day in late February, and much to his surprise, Vriska arrived early too. She usually slid into her seat just as the bell was ringing. He arched an eyebrow at her.  
     “You’re… surprisingly early,” Tavros muttered, as he pulled out his notes and textbook. Vriska scooted her chair a bit closer to Tavros’.  
     “Tavros,” Vriska said, her voice soft. She gently placed her hand on top of Tavros’. Tavros looked up at her. “I wanted to… Ugh. This is so weird for me.”  
     Tavros furrowed his brow. “What is it?”  
     “I’ve been thinking, and talking to John about all the shit I’ve done, and… I guess I owe you an apology. I tried to tell myself I was a good person, that everything I put you through, and all our friends, I guess, was only me trying to help you; to make you stronger. But it wasn’t. It was because… I don’t know. Because making someone else feel miserable gave me some kind of joy? Because it meant I wasn’t the only one? I don’t know. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say with this ramble. I guess, what it all amounts to, is that I’m sorry.”  
     Tavros was silent. He looked away at first, fiddling with his pencil a bit. He could feel Vriska’s eyes bearing into the side of his head, waiting for him to say something. “Vriska, I- uh. What are you looking for me to say? I don’t…”  
     Vriska sighed a heavy sigh. “I guess I want to know if I completely ruined everything between us. Would you forgive me for the shitty things I’ve done?”  
     “I… don’t know, Vriska, sorry. But, like I said, just because I don’t want to date you doesn’t mean we aren’t friends.”  
     “…okay.”  
     Tavros bit his lip, preparing to ask something he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted an honest answer to. “Were you…?” The words escaped his lips, Tavros only catching them at the last second, before the entire question came out. Vriska looked at him quizzically.  
     “Was I what?” she asked him. Tavros blushed. He shouldn’t have said anything. It was unusual for a genuine conversation with Vriska to last this long.  
     Tavros sighed. “Were you really just using me to make John jealous?”  
     It was Vriska’s turn to blush. “See, that’s a long stor--” Vriska was cut off by the bell, indicating the start of class. “Can I message you about this later?”  
     Tavros nodded.

 

     Later came, and Tavros was sitting at his computer, waiting for Vriska’s explanation. Rufioh was hanging out in Tavros’ room, trying not to get too stressed about college applications, and the lack of acceptance letters he’d received.  
     “It’s starting to worry me, Tav. None of the out-of-states I applied to have sent letters out.”  
     “Well… that doesn’t mean you didn’t get in,” Tavros answered, though he was still distracted by his computer screen. Rufioh sat up a bit.  
     “What are you waiting so eagerly for?”  
     “Uhh,” Tavros hesitated, knowing exactly what Rufioh would say if he told him he was waiting for Vriska.  
     “’Uhh?’ I know what that means,” Rufioh chided. “You’re waiting for Vriska, aren’t you?”  
     “Maybe?” Tavros turned to face his brother. Rufioh arched an eyebrow at him. “No, listen, Rufioh, I, uh, know what you’re going to say. She genuinely apologized to me earlier and I just… want to give her a chance. I don’t think, uh, most of our friends will.”  
     “How many chances have you given her?”  
     “Does it matter? L-listen, there’s a good person in her somewhere.”  
     Rufioh sighed, standing from Tavros’ bed. “Whatever you say, Tavros. You give her way too much credit.” And with that, Rufioh walked out the room. There was still a lot Tavros wanted to say to him, but he wasn’t the type to instigate a fight with his brother. Still, Tavros banged his fist on the desk in frustration. Why was it so hard for Rufioh to understand? No matter what happened, Vriska was his friend. He turned back to his screen, refreshing Pesterchum for the thousandth time. But where the chat window to ‘arachnidsGrip’ had previously only contained old messages, a ‘dot dot dot’ appeared. Tavros’ eyes widened. He couldn’t feel the tips of his fingers, that’s how nervous he was for whatever this next conversation would entail.

 

arachnidsGrip [AG] began pestering adiosToreador [AT]

 

AG: So……..  
AG: John.  
AG: That is a long story, Tavros, and I’m sorry for the way I’ve handled that entire situation  
AG: And how it pertains to you.  
AT: um,  
AT: how exactly does it pertain to me  
AG: So, here’s the thing, Tavros.  
AG: You know as well as I do that you and I have had an on-and-off thing  
AG: Or we did, all through middle school, even when I was dating Eridan.  
AG: Which frankly shouldn’t even count because we were like 12.  
AG: But anyway, I was kind of… conflicted, you could say, about my feelings towards you.  
AG: And I knew you were too.  
AG: I know I’m the type who seems like they can stand on their own, and I know I don’t *need* anyone else to help me be strong.  
AG: But that doesn’t stop me from wanting someone.  
AG: And for a while I thought that might be you.  
AG: But man, did we give each other mixed signals.  
AG: So, when I met John, I honestly kind of fell for him immediately?  
AG: And when we started hanging out and talking more, the feelings were genuine.  
AG: They still are, to be honest, but I don’t know if he wants anything to do with me anymore.  
AG: Sorry if this isn’t what you want to hear.  
AG: But here’s where you come in.  
AG: I saw how jealous you were getting of John, as he started realizing…  
AG: How I really am.  
AG: That I’m not a nice person  
AG: Or a good person.  
AT: i don’t think youre a bad person, vriska  
AG: I wish I could believe that.  
AG: But yeah, John started to get wary of me.  
AG: And I remembered, how on and off you and I were  
AG: And how jealous you got.  
AG: So I decided to turn the tables, and make him jealous.  
AG: And I used you to do it.  
AG: Anyway, now I don’t have either of you, so I guess that just blew up in my face.  
AT: you're really frustrating  
AG: What?  
AT: i've told you, i'm still your friend  
AT: i think that’s all we’re supposed to be  
AG: Considering what a shit show it’s been just getting to this point, you’re probably right.  
AT: and you haven’t lost john  
AT: uh, speaking as someone who's been in his position  
AT: the way he was looking at us, at, uh, the new years' party  
AT: he still wants to spend time with you  
AG: You think?  
AT: it's just, um, a hunch  
AT: but don’t give up on him  
AG: Okay.  
AG: Tavros…  
AT: it's ok  
AT: i know this is hard for you  
AT: uh, to apologize, i mean  
AG: Okay.  
AT: anyway, you're my friend  
AT: and i won't be jealous anymore  
AT: if you want to be with john  
AT: he's probably better for you anyway  
AG: Why do you say that?  
AT: you're right, vriska  
AT: i'm useless  
AG: Jeez, I guess I did say that a lot.  
AG: For the record, I don’t actually think that’s true.  
AT: what use is a crippled boy  
AG: Hey, you’ve always taken that in stride  
AG: Don’t tell me you’re going to become your handicap now  
AG: You’re a really fucking good friend.  
AT: um  
AT: thanks  
AG: And anyway, you can always try Equius’ prosthetic thing if it’s starting to get you down.  
AT: you know  
AT: i think i will?  
AG: Anyway, Tavros  
AG: This talk has been great.  
AG: But I have to go.  
AT: yeah  
AT: me too.

 

arachnidsGrip [AG] has ceased pestering adiosToreador [AT]

 

     Tavros furrowed his brow, determination settling in. Maybe… just _maybe_ , being able to walk again would be his real New Year’s Resolution. Maybe Tavros Nitram could feel normal again. He decided to shoot Equius a message.

 

adiosToreador [AT] began pestering centaursTesticle [CT]

 

AT: heyyyy equius  
AT: wow i just remembered how off-putting your screen name is to me  
AT: sorry  
AT: um, anyway, i was wondering  
AT: if you had the design or prototype of your prosthetics?  
AT: i think i’d like to give it a shot  
CT: Ah, yes, of course.  
CT: I can lend you my prototype, if you would like to speak to a doctor about it.  
AT: okay, cool  
AT: thanks  
CT: Tavros, there is no guarantee my methods will work  
CT: Furthermore, experimentation like this can be dangerous and painful.  
CT: However, if my calculations are correct, you should be able to walk again.  
AT: um, alright  
AT: thanks, equius  
AT: i actually have a checkup this weekend so the timing is really good  
CT: Ah, if you would like me to, I can send the design and prototype directly to them; if you’d be so kind as to give me their information  
AT: alright, cool, i’ll get that and give it to you at school  
CT: I know we do not speak much, Tavros, but I appreciate the opportunity to help when I can  
CT: Thank you  
AT: nnno, no, thank you  


adiosToreador [AT] has ceased pestering  centaursTesticle [CT]

 

 

 

     Tavros sat on the doctor’s bench at the end of his check-up, after going through all the typical procedures. He waited for her to say something about all the charts and diagrams and _literal fake leg_ Equius had sent to the office. Tavros’ parents were there, too, waiting through deafening silence. Dr. Echidna flipped through something on her clipboard, tutting a bit.  
     “This appears to be a very dangerous procedure,” she muttered, “but not impossible.” She glanced up at Tavros. She must have noticed the bit of disappointment on his face, because she took in a long breath before speaking. “If you’re sure you want to give it a shot, I can get a specialist on the line.”  
     Tavros grinned as Dr. Echidna turned her attention to Sam and Magnolia. “This is not going to be a cheap operation, Mr. and Mrs. Nitram, though I’m sure you realize this.” Magnolia got a panicked look on her face, while Sam just nodded.  
     “Yes, we’re aware it may be pricey, but…” Sam looked towards Tavros, who had an incredibly crestfallen look on his face. “I’m willing to do anything for my son.”

     “No, Dad, you don’t have to…” Tavros said. He knew money was tight. He didn’t want his parents to spend everything in their savings to give him new legs. Something about it just didn’t feel right.  
     “Tavros, I thought you wanted this,” Magnolia asked.  
     “I mean, I do… it might be my only chance to feel normal again. But it’s not worth bankrupting the family…”  
     Sam chuckled a bit. “It won’t bankrupt us, son. We were… well, we were saving for a nice vacation, but this seems like a better use of the money.”  
     Dr. Echidna nodded. “Here’s the contact information for the specialist,” she said, slipping a business card into Sam’s hand. Tavros grinned. It was unbelievable, and he felt genuinely happy.


	12. Beginning and End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rufioh sucks it up and Tavros starts standing up

 

     Rufioh took a deep breath. He had to do it; he had to be strong, because Horuss wasn’t going to be. He knew he finally needed to face this, as difficult as it was going to be. One more deep breath before he knocked on the Zahhaks’ door. It was not Horuss who opened the door, or his brother, who apparently had designed a new kind of prosthetic just for Tavros. Rather, it was their butler (and/or chauffeur? Rufioh was confused by that) Aurthour who attended to the door. Rufioh stumbled in a little awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck as he grinned at Aurthour, who shut the door behind him.  
     “And who are you here for, sir?” Aurthour asked.  
     “Oh, I- uh, I’m here to talk to Horuss,” Rufioh stammered. His heart was rattling in his chest. Aurthour indicated that Horuss was in the garage. Rufioh nodded, giving Aurthour a quiet ‘thank you’ before walking towards the garage door. He could hear the blowtorch running as he got closer to the open door. Horuss stopped welding when Rufioh appeared in the doorframe, looking up at him and raising his goggles. Rufioh couldn’t help but chuckle at Horuss’ grin, and the soot-marks framing his eyes where the goggles had just been, like a sunburn. But the moment of small laughter only felt worse when Rufioh remembered why he was there, and his smile faded, even as Horuss hugged him tightly. He planted a kiss on Rufioh’s cheek, quite overenthusiastically, and Rufioh couldn’t help but lean away a little bit, hating himself for letting things get to such a dangerous point. Horuss seemed to notice Rufioh’s hesitation.  
      “What’s wrong, Ruf?” Horuss asked. Rufioh bit his lip. He didn’t even want to look Horuss in the face, but he took another deep breath. Horuss took a step away from him, and Rufioh held both his hands.  
     “Horuss, we should, uh. We should sit,” Rufioh said, his gaze drifting from their hands to Horuss’ deep indigo eyes. Rufioh had to let go of Horuss’ hands as he sat on the workbench. Horuss looked confused and sad already as he sat down next to Rufioh. Rufioh ran a hand through his hair.  
     “Rufioh,” Horuss started, “What’s going on? You always do that hair thing when you’re nervous.”  
     Rufioh sighed, twiddling his thumbs together, his foot bouncing. He kept his gaze down. What was he even supposed to say? This was a stupid plan. He couldn’t do it.  
     “Rufioh?” Horuss asked again, gently placing his hand on Rufioh’s shoulder. Rufioh jumped a little bit.  
     “S-sorry, I was just… thinking…” Rufioh murmured.  
     “About what?”  
     “Um…us.” Rufioh finally looked up at Horuss. He looked shocked, broken. Rufioh knew this was going to happen. He hadn’t even said the words yet and Horuss was ready to cry.  
     “What about us?” Horuss’ voice broke.  
     “I think…” Rufioh took one last heavy breath. “I think we should break up.” Horuss’ voice faltered, a whimper coming from his throat. “No, no, no, no, Horuss, please don’t cry. Listen… listen,” Rufioh said, pulling Horuss’ chin up to look at him. “I have to do this. It’s not fair to you, for me to keep acting like I’m okay.”  
     “What changed, Rufioh? Did I do something?”  
     “No, no, you didn’t do anything wrong, I promise. It’s just that… Horuss, I still _really_ care about you, and I always will. You were a good friend before all this and I hope we can be friends after. But I started this thing with you by lying to someone else, hurting someone else, and… I don’t want to end up doing the same thing to you. I’ve been feeling detached from you lately, and I don’t want to do to you what I did to Damara. I need to work on myself for a little while.”

     Horuss looked relatively composed for a moment before letting himself cry. He leaned into Rufioh’s shoulder. “This isn’t real, Rufioh… tell me it isn’t real,” he managed to choke out between weighted sobs.  
     “I’m sorry, Horuss. I just… I think this is the right thing for me. And the right thing for you, too.” Rufioh stroked Horuss’ hair, and gave him one last kiss on the top of his head. Horuss looked up, more anger in his eyes then.  
     “Don’t!” Horuss shoved Rufioh back a little bit. “Rufioh, don’t… I can’t handle that.”  
     Rufioh was startled at Horuss’ aggression for a moment, then sighed. “Sorry, Horuss. I should go.”

     Rufioh waited to have his own breakdown until he got home. He wasn’t even entirely sure why he was crying. He took a breath to compose himself before knocking on Tavros’ open bedroom door.

 

     Tavros looked up from his game of Pokémon to see Rufioh standing in the door, looking absolutely downtrodden. Tavros patted the bed, indicating to Rufioh to sit next to him. Rufioh moved very slowly, sinking into the mattress next to Tavros.  
     “You broke up with Horuss, didn’t you?” Tavros asked. Rufioh nodded, still feeling sluggish. “Are you okay?”  
     “I… think I am. I know it was the right thing to do. It was just sad. I feel less sad now, though. Just kind of… hollow. But… I’ll be okay, and so will Horuss.” Rufioh even managed to flash a weak smile at his brother. Tavros smiled back.  
     “Good, I’m glad. You did the right thing.”  
     “I know, just a bummer about prom, though.”  
     “Why don’t you ask one of your friends to go with you? I mean, uh, you guys were going together as a group anyway, but, like, ask someone as a date.”  
     “Eh… I dunno. Guess I could ask Damz.” Rufioh sighed as he took out his phone and opened Pesterchum, but decided it was worth a shot.

 

amiableTorchbearer [AT] began pestering aiboAbunai [AA]

 

AT: hey doll  
AT: i know this is going to come off the wrong way but  
AT: i was just wondering if you want to go to prom with me  
AA: no  
AA: i no interested in being “other girl”  
AT: but i broke up with horuss  
AT: i mean  
AT: i’m not even looking to start anything up again… i just don’t want to go stag to my senior prom  
AA: oh  
AA: well it no matter  
AA: i not going to prom anyway  
AT: why not?  
AA: i need to study hard  
AA: still want to graduate with everyone else  
AA: i think is responsible of me to skip dance  
AA: but if not i would say yes to you  
AT: really?  
AA: yes but only as friend  
AT: yeah… i figured  
AT: thanks, doll

 

amiableTorchbearer [AT] ceased pestering aiboAbunai [AA]

 

     Just as Rufioh went to close out of Pesterchum, another message appeared on his screen.

 

clammyCommander [CC] began pestering amiableTorchbearer [AT]

 

CC: yo  
CC: nitram  
AT: oh, hey doll… haven’t talked to you in a crazy long time  
AT: like… at school yeah, but you and i haven’t had a conversation in ages  
AT: hey, i always wanted to thank you for standing up for me… you know, back when shit hit the fan…  
CC: man i wouldn’t have had to if you could just stick up for yourself sometimes  
AT: heh… yeah… i guess  
CC: you are the only guy in our group who’s even close to being cool  
CC: everyone else sucks but you’re almost alright  
CC: you’re such a pushover sometimes though  
CC: i probubbly shouldn’t even ask this since you’re not as cool as everyone makes out with you to be  
CC: i mean makes you out to be  
CC: what did i just say?  
CC: but would you want to go to prom with me?  
AT: whoa, man… not you too!! ahaha…  
AT: it’s fine… it’s alright that you dig me, i’m flattered… you were just the last person who hadn’t hit on me yet… and i kinda dig that you know?  
CC: relax, i don’t want to date you  
CC: donchu know im a lesbifin anyway?  
AT: aha… yeah  
AT: nice fish pun by the way  
CC: damn i don’t even do it on porpoise anymore  
CC: fef did it when she was younger, guess it just rubbed off on me  
CC: anyway  
CC: i’m only asking so i can appease my mom  
CC: have a dude to take pictures with  
CC: then we can dance with whoever we want  
AT: oh… alright, sounds cool  
AT: i’m not wearing pink though  
CC: fuck that, i wear black every day of my life and prom ain’t gonna be any different  
CC: but yeah a’ight cool  
CC: see ya later

 

clammyCommander [CC] ceased pestering amiableTorchbearer [AT]

 

 

     Rufioh smiled. Meenah was cool. Prom would be fun.

 

     Over the next few weeks, Tavros had a lot of doctor’s appointments. Most of them were for the doctors to take measurments of his legs and waist, making sure everything would fit properly. A couple of times, the doctors put Tavros in leg braces and gave him crutches that had straps around his elbows, and had him practice walking just on the crutches. Tavros fell over a lot, but he felt less embarrassed about it around the doctors. They told him it was okay, and it would be a long process, but he had to strengthen his leg muscles. Equius’ design wasn’t quite a prosthetic as Tavros had imagined. It looked more like a metal skeleton. It was designed to attach to the back of his legs, wrapping around his legs both above and below the ankles and knees, and also had a strap just above the waist. The wires wound up his spine to about half-way up, where it was meant to attach to his spinal nerves. That’s why everyone was so nervous about the surgery. It had never been done before, and it was also in a very dangerous spot, but Tavros was hopeful. Equius was a genius and the doctors were precise. It would be fine, and Tavros would be back in physical therapy on his own legs again, and would be able to walk in no time. For the first time since his accident, Tavros felt truly confident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah this is a short chapter and it focuses more on Rufioh. But basically passage of time :]
> 
> Also some of Rufioh and Meenah's dialogue came from Meenahbound


	13. Team Charge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tavros helps with a friend's party, and accidentally helps with some romance as well.

     It was sometime in late March that Sollux started getting antsy, Tavros noticed. It was odd. Maybe it was because Sollux and Feferi had broken up- and Tavros hardly even realized they’d been dating. All his doctors’ appointments took so much time, and Tavros had kind of gotten sucked into his own world. But maybe, and Tavros thought this was more likely, maybe Sollux was missing Aradia. Tavros also suspected some other things, but he and Sollux weren’t especially close, so it was hard to say. He wasn’t especially close with Aradia lately either, which bothered him a little bit. He and Aradia had been such good friends back in their RPing days, them versus Vriska and Terezi. It was definitely a weird feeling, not having Aradia around. It almost made Tavros want to do something nice for her, since he knew her birthday was next week. It seemed Sollux had the same idea, as he approached Tavros after P.E. that day. Sollux still seemed fairly jittery, but he managed to keep himself calm enough to ask Tavros what he’d come to ask.  
     “Hey, Tav, you and Aradia are fairly close…”  
     Tavros looked up from his locker. “Yeah, Team Charge and all that… why?”  
     “Well, I want to organize a birthday party for her, and I could definitely use some help.”

     “Why not ask Feferi? Aren’t she and Aradia really good friends?”  
     “Yeah, but… FF and I aren’t on the best terms right now.”  
     Tavros’ eyes widened as he realized his mistake. “Oh… sorry,” Tavros muttered. Sollux shrugged.  
     “It’s alright. But… yeah, do you wanna help me out?”  
     “I dunno… I’m not the best party planner.”  
     “Tavros, shut the fuck up. Sorry. Your Halloween party was awesome, even if Vriska tried to suck the fun out of everything.”  
     Tavros lit up a bit. “Really?”  
     “Yeah, totally. You in?”  
     Tavros grinned. “Sure! What’s the plan?” Sollux shrugged again, both boys startled as the bell rang.  
     “Guess we should get to class. I’ll message you later.”

 

     Tavros felt oddly excited. Things seemed to be going his way. Even Vriska had been leaving him alone. Which he wasn’t entirely sure was a good thing? But occasionally she would flash a smile at him from across their lunch table, so at least she wasn’t being a bully anymore. Things seemed to be looking up for everyone, and Tavros was ready to help Sollux plan Aradia’s party. He got home that day, Pesterchum open while he did his homework, and it wasn’t long before that oh-so-familiar _ping_ grabbed his attention.

 

twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering adiosToreador [AT]

 

TA: okay  
TA: so  
TA: aradia’s birthday is technically next Saturday  
TA: but i thought a friday party might be better  
AT: okay, cool  
AT: what do you need me to do?  
TA: mostly just help with games and snacks?  
TA: i’ll deal with getting aradia there  
AT: um  
AT: where should we have it?  
TA: good question  
TA: prospit park?  
AT: um, yeah, sounds good.  
TA: thanks tav  
TA: oh  
TA: one more thing  
TA: do you have any leftover decorations?  
AT: oh yeah  
AT: i have some streamers still  
TA: nice  
TA: i’ll get some balloons too  
AT: ok, cool  
AT: should i, uh  
AT: message the others?  
TA: not yet  
TA: i need to talk to daniel first  
AT: okay

 

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT]

 

    

     Tavros wasn’t sure how it was managed, but Daniel, Aradia’s father, agreed to get her to the party after school that Friday, so Tavros and Sollux began getting everything together for that weekend. Sollux started a group chat after school on Monday.

 

twinArmageddons [TA] started group message: aradia’s birthday shenanigans

 

adiosToreador [AT] is online  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] is online  
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] is online  
arachnidsGrip [AG] is online  
cuttlefishCuller [CC] is online  
ectoBiologist [EB] is online  
turntechGodhead [TG] is online

 

TA: okay guys so  
TA: aradia’s been away from skaia high for a couple months  
TA: but i thought it would be cool of us to throw her a surprise party  
TA: ive already arranges things with her dad, and tavros and i are taking care of snacks and decorations  
TA: all you guys have to do is show up to prospit park at 4:30 on Friday  
AT: actually, if anyone wants to help me set up, that’d be great  
CC: Shore! I’d love to be there for Aradia.  
CC: I can’t help set up, though. I have swim practice after school.  
CC: Sorry, Tav.  
AT: that’s fine  
AG: You mean you’ve actually done something helpful, toreadork?

 

     Tavros winced. It looked like Vriska was back to her usual self.

 

AT: um, yeah, actually  
AT: sollux told me about this on friday  
AT: we’ve been planning  
AG: Whatever, as if I’d go to a surprise party for _Aradia,_ of all people.  
AG: Finally gonna ask her out, Lispy McAsshat?  
TA: maybe  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!  
AG: Fine, I’ll show up just to watch that disaster unfold.  
CG: What the fuck is your problem?  
EB: wow, vriska, calm down.  
CG: Aradia has always been a good friend.  
CG: I don’t get why you hate her so much.  
GA: Yes, Aradia has been helping me with my romantic problems, despite having her own, and despite being quite away from us.  
GA: I would love to attend.  
CG: Yeah, shut the fuck up, Serket.  
CG: I’ll go.  
TG: im in  
TG: rose and jade too probably  
TA: are they not in the chat?  
TG: i dunno theyre not online right now  
TG: but im seeing rose later so ill let her know  
CG: Nepeta says she’ll come too.  
TA: if you hear from gz, let him know too  
CG: Yeah, okay.  
CG: He’s been making himself scarce lately though.  
TA: yeah i know  
CC: Eridan wants to know if he’s invited.  
TA: eugh  
TA: yeah i guess  
TA: equius too  
TA: though that might be awkward  
CG: He’s here too.  
CG: He says he’ll go.  
TA: ff what the fuck is eridan doing at your house?  
CC: We’re still friends, Sollux!  
TA: whatever.  
AG: Okay, we’re all fucking going, can this pointless chat end now?  
TG: what about terezi  
CG: Why don’t YOU tell her, Strider?  
TG: no need to be jealous karkles  
TG: you know id never dream of anyone but you.  
CG: Shut the fuck up, don’t call me Karkles.  
TA: you two are fucking gross.  
TA: see you all at the party, then.  
CG: You’ll see us at school tomorrow, dipshit.  
AG: Hey, yeah, why couldn’t this idiocy have waited for then?  
TA: fuck, this just seemed easier.  
TA: you don’t have to get up my ass about it.  
EB: oh, tavros, i’ll help you set up if you want!  
AT: oh, yeah  
AT: thanks, john

 

twinArmageddons [TA] has closed group chat: aradia’s birthday shenanigans

 

 

     That week went by incredibly quickly, and Tavros couldn’t believe it. He was far too excited for Aradia’s party. After geometry class, Tavros went to his locker, grinning. He put his books away and pulled out the bag of party stuff, setting it in his lap before making his way towards the parking lot. Suddenly, his chair jolted. Someone was pushing him- Tavros dared a backwards glance. He saw John’s bright blue eyes. John smiled.  
     “Hey, Tavros!” he beamed.  
     “Uh, hi, John,” Tavros stammered. He furrowed his brow. “Could you, uh, maybe give me a warning before grabbing my chair like that? You startled me.”  
     John let go of the chair handles, his smile dropping and his face turning the slightest bit red. Tavros caught his wheels, stopping himself. He shot a small glare at John. “Sorry,” John mumbled. “I-is that like, poor manners?” he asked, now walking beside Tavros.  
     “Incredibly. Sorry, John, I just, uh, don’t like people pushing my wheelchair unless I know them really well.” John frowned. “But- it’s okay! Let’s just go get the stuff at the park set up.”

     Tavros smiled at John, trying to show him he wasn’t angry. John noticed, giving a buck-toothed smile back.  
     The two boys walked out to the parking lot, where John’s dad was waiting. After a few awkward minutes trying to jam Tavros’ chair into the small car, they were off to Prospit Park. John’s dad seemed nice, if a bit quiet, and the ride to the park was made awkward by the silence, until a song John seemed to recognize came on the radio. He reached into the front seat to the best of his ability to turn the radio up, and began singing along.  
     “How do I… get through one night without you? If I had to live without you, what kind of life would that be? Oh, I… need you in my arms, need you to hold… You’re my world, my heart, my soul… if you ever leave…” he sang. Tavros laughed before joining in the chorus.  
     “How do I live without you? I want to know, how do I breathe without you?” John laughed then too, and both of them sang the rest of the song together.  
     “You’ve got a pretty good voice, Tav,” John said.  
     “Oh, uh, thanks,” Tavros muttered.

 

     Before long, they arrived at Prospit Park and began putting together some games and a snack table, but John seemed distracted. Still, Tavros didn’t ask any questions and continued going about his business until he heard John let out a heavy sigh.  
     “Tavros, there was a reason I offered to help,” John said. “I wanted to ask you… talk to you about Vriska.”  
     “What about her?”  
     “Is she always so… abrasive?”  
     “Um…” Tavros hesitated, “she’s got a strong personality. But I think… she’s trying. To be a better person.”  
     “I think she’s trying, too. She just… she told me some really intense stuff the other day, and I wasn’t sure what to make of it. I know she wants to be good, and big and important, but she’s also done bad things, and I don’t know how to handle that, and I don’t think she does either.”  
     “Well… like what bad things?” Tavros knew the answer. He didn’t know if he wanted to hear it, though. He was the only one who’d never blamed Vriska for the accident.  
     “She told me she was the one that put you in that wheelchair,” John said. Tavros frowned.  
     “Just give her time, John.”  
     “Do you think she’s going to change?”  
     Tavros huffed. “I don’t know. We’re kids. 14. Who knows? Don’t blame her for things in the past. I haven’t even blamed her for… well, for this,” Tavros said, gesturing downwards. John grinned.  
     “Thanks, Tav. I know we’re not really close, but I appreciate it.”  
     “I try.”

 

     Tavros and John got everything set up just before their friends began to arrive. Sollux was somehow the last on the scene, and he very anxiously double-checked and triple-checked everything, muttering a little bit about how fast the day felt. Tavros watched quietly as Feferi approached him, indicating he should take slow, deep breaths. Sollux seemed to calm down after that. When Aradia’s dad’s car pulled up, Sollux ushered everyone towards the food tables, and they waited for her to join them.  
     “Surprise!” everyone shouted as Aradia came running up. She grinned widely.  
     “Whose idea was this? Feferi?”  
     “No,” Feferi shook her head. “It was Sollux’s.”  
      Sollux blushed. “Just… wanted to see you happy,” he muttered. Aradia hugged him tightly.  
     “Thank you sooooo much Sollux!” Tavros wanted to say that he’d helped, too, but decided to let Sollux and Aradia have their moment.  
     The party seemed like a success, until Vriska took over the drink table to challenge anyone who came near to a soda-drinking contest, but it was a short-lived escapade as the other kids just began to avoid her. Tavros smiled, feeling good that he’d helped put everything together. Everyone was simply sharing conversation when Tavros noticed Karkat wander off for a moment, on his phone.  
     “HOLY SHIT!” Karkat’s shrill voice shouted. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”  
     “Karkat, you FUCKER!” Sollux shouted back, almost as loud- though it was impossible to match up to Karkat- as he stormed over. “Can you not lose your shit for one day?!”  
     “Well excuse me, shithead. I need to go now. My dad just got shot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bluh this took me forever to write but I'm almost done with The Nitrams now. Honestly I just got kind of stuck because I feel like i'd basically wrapped everything up already? I kind of started on The Captors already too so I'll hopefully get to that soon.


	14. On Your Own Two Feet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tavros gets his legs back.

     Tavros called his dad, as the party came to an early close after Karkat and Nepeta took off. The phone rang in his ear as Tavros waited for an answer.  
     “Hello?” Sam’s voice finally came. Tavros was feeling a bit panicked, and he wasn’t sure why.  
     “Hey, uh, Dad? Can you come get me?”  
     “What’s wrong? I thought the party wouldn’t be over for a couple of hours.”  
     “Well, uh, it wasn’t _supposed_ to end, but, uh… well, Karkat’s dad got shot. He and Nepeta just ran off, and Mr. Droog thinks we should all go home.”  
     There was a palpable silence for a moment, then Sam tutted. “Okay. I’ll be there soon.”  
     “What’s wrong, Dad?”  
     “Nothing… just thinking. Thinking if I should call anyone. Suzanne, maybe…?” It was clear that Sam was in his own head for a moment, thinking out loud more than he was actually talking to Tavros. “I’m sure most of them will already know… Ok. Hold tight, Tav.” He hung up. Tavros tried to shift in his chair a bit, feeling more than a little uncomfortable with the current situation. It was more difficult to move around on the grass than Tavros had realized. He underestimated it every time. His friends’ expressions wore varying levels of concern, though Kanaya was the most visibly upset. That made sense, Tavros thought. Karkat’s dad was Kanaya’s uncle, and Tavros knew Mrs. Maryam would panic and rush over and take Kanaya to the hospital to visit him right away. Tavros wanted to go over, and perhaps share some hopeful words, but it looked like Rose beat him to it. He watched them for a moment, Rose gently placing her hand on Kanaya’s shoulder as she spoke. Kanaya said something in response- Tavros couldn’t hear them- and then the two girls hugged, though Kanaya still looked fairly upset. Rose kissed her on the cheek. Tavros’ eyes widened. Whoa, they were dating? Tavros turned his chair away, feeling somehow intrusive of the moment, and began heading for the parking lot. His father pulled up a few moments later, and the two headed home.

      Tavros tried to keep his mind occupied when he got into his room, though obviously it was proving difficult as both his parents and Rufioh were all on the phone with people, discussing what was happening with the Vantas-Leijon family. Tavros felt bad, but he wasn’t sure there was much he could do. All his friends were already aware, and he felt like if Karkat wanted to talk to someone, he would. Tavros glanced at his calendar. His final appointment for his prosthetics was soon. It was kind of an unbelievable idea; that Tavros would be able to walk again soon. Hopefully. Tavros shook away that last inkling of doubt. He knew there was a chance it wouldn’t work, he just chose to be hopeful about it, and ignore that small chance.

 

     Time seemed to fly by. Tavros crossed off the days on his calendar for the next week, until his operation was a mere three days away. He grinned, marking another day off, and excited to be rid of his wheelchair.  
     That excitement was only reinforced by Vriska when she approached him at his locker that day.  
     “Hey, toreadork,” he heard her voice come from down the hall. Tavros furrowed his brow. Was she going to start calling her that again?  
     “Uh, hi, Vriska.”  
     “Hey, nice job with the party,” Vriska said, punching Tavros lightly in the arm. He winced a bit, rubbing the spot where Vriska had hit him. “’bout time you did something cool.”  
     “Hey, I threw the Halloween party too,” Tavros muttered.  
     “Yeah, but we both know _I’m_ the one who brought the excitement to the party.” Tavros didn’t say anything for a minute. There was still a certain amount of awkwardness between him and Vriska. She broke the silence with a sigh. “Tavros, this fucking sucks.”  
     “What?”  
     “What do you mean, what? For starters, this completely horrible halfway state we’re in, like that bullshit Sollux and Aradia have been doing for ages.”  
     “Oh yeah. I don’t know, this isn’t so bad. I think maybe we both overreacted, about our feelings?”  
     “Overreacting my ass!”  
     “No, I think I’ve decided, you’re being unreasonable.”  
     “Oh, sure. That’s easy for you to say. You have no idea what I deal with.”  
     “You might be right.”  
     “What?”  
     “I don’t know…”  
     “So… how have you been?”  
     “I’ve been okay, don’t talk like we never see each other.”  
     “Yeah, I’ve been okay. Hey, sorry about that, by the way.”  
     “About what?”  
     “Being so mean-spirited. It wasn’t very cool of me.”  
     “Oh, right. I haven’t been thinking about it.”  
     “How could you not be thinking about it? Haven’t you been pissed off at me about it?”  
     “No, I mean, I pretended to be confident and was pretty mean too.”  
     “You idiot, that’s not what happened at all. I was being a huge bitch!”  
     “That’s… not really how I remember it.”  
     “Ugh, stop being so stupid. That’s so stupid!”  
     “No, you’re stupid.”  
     “You are such a pain in the ass. Let’s just agree it was my fault and drop it.”  
     “No, but okay…”

      It was definitely weird to talk to Vriska with a sense of comradery, but it was refreshing to say the least, but Tavros was oddly glad for it. When Tavros got home, he found a group message waiting for him on Pesterchum.

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] started group message: FUCK

 

apocalypseArisen [AA] is online  
twinArmageddons [TA] is online  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] is online  
arachnidsGrip [AG] is online  
cuttlefishCuller [CC] is online  
ectoBiologist [EB] is online  
turntechGodhead [TG] is online

 

CG: Hey everyone.  
CG: So…  
CG: My dad…he  
CG: Didn’t make it  
CC: Karkat, I’m so sorry!  
TG: fucking blows dude  
CG: Don’t be sarcastic, Strider  
TG: im not  
TG: it may shock you to know that i am in fact  
TG: capable of sincerity  
TG: give me the benefit of the doubt dude  
TG: instead of jumping all over me the minute i open my mouth  
TG: all in my business like youre trying to hop on my dick  
CG: GROSS, fuck off  
TG: nah man the fuck is on  
TG: your sympathy fuck i mean  
TG: looking for one?  
TA: wouldn’t put it past him.  
TG: haha nice one man  
CG: You FUCKERS!  
CG: Stop ganging up on me, it’s seriously not cool.  
CG: I’m having an honest to God crisis  
AG: Honestly, Karkat, when aren’t you having a crisis?  
CG: UUUUGH forget it.  
CG: Why did I think I could talk to you assholes?  
EB: guys, come on.  
EB: karkat just lost someone important to him.  
EB: i don’t think its the time for dick jokes.  
TG: what are you like his boyfriend or something?  
EB: dave, no.  
EB: i’m not…  
EB: i’m straight, dave.  
TG: sure  
TG: youre about as straight as i am  
TG: but sure  
CG: Egbert, PLEASE, I DON’T need your fucking help.  
CG: Strider, SHUT UP.  
AG: Soooooooo........  
AG: What exactly was the point of this group chat?  
AG: Half of us aren’t even online right now.  
TA: man i wish i wasn’t.  
CG: I was trying to get to that  
CG: I could honestly use some moral support right now  
CG: So you’re all invited to the funeral  
CG: Not that any of you will actually show up  
CG: Now leave me alone.

 carcinoGeneticist [CG] has closed group message: FUCK

 

     Tavros glanced over at his calendar. Karkat hadn’t actually said when the funeral was, but an invitation did appear in the mail the next day, and as soon as Tavros saw it, he felt guilty. The funeral was the same day as his operation, and the doctors had already told them the procedure couldn’t be rescheduled. Tavros didn’t really want to address the conflict right away, so he did what he usually did and avoided it, deciding to apologize after the fact. Tavros’ avoidance plan was made easier by Karkat’s absence at school, which naturally had been excused, and despite the melancholy aura hanging over the group of friends, Tavros was excited.

     He woke up early on Saturday morning, got his wheelchair hauled into the family car for what was hopefully the last time, and drove into the city, to the hospital. Tavros sat uneasily on the operation table. All of his hesitation and anxiety was coming out in the very last moment. Dr. Echidna came into the room, her short heels clacking on linoleum tile.  
     “Tavros, are you ready?” she asked, placing a kind hand on his shoulder. Tavros swallowed hard before he nodded at her. Another doctor- the anesthesiologist, Tavros assumed- came into the room.  
     “Okay, Tavros, let me just put this breathing mask on you,” she muttered, covering Tavros’ nose and mouth with a plastic mask. Tavros took one breath in and his mind already felt very heavy. It only took a few moments for him to completely pass out.

 

     It took a lot to rouse Tavros. He blinked himself awake, still groggy, to find Dr. Echidna, the anesthesiologist, a few nurses, his parents, and Rufioh all looking at him, waiting to see if the hard work had paid off.  
     “Mrr,” Tavros grumbled, not truly saying anything coherent. He started realizing he was awake. “Uhhh… wow… d-did it work?” he asked, still struggling to wake up.

     “It should have,” Dr. Echidna said, “there was a 95% chance of success. Of course, we can’t know for sure until we get you off that operating table.” Tavros’ head was still spinning, but he looked down at his legs and feet, and the metal framing that wrapped around them, like scaffolding. Magnolia reached forward, helping Tavros slide off the table, and Sam and Rufioh took a place at either side of him, supporting him as he stood up. Rufioh chuckled.  
     “What’re you laughing at, Ruf?” Sam asked.  
     “It just reminded me of the time Latula and I had to walk Mituna home like this after New Years.” Magnolia shot Rufioh a look. “I mean no, party? What party? None of my friends have ever drank, never ever ever.” Tavros found himself laughing at his brother, even as he pulled away from him. Sam smiled, stepping away from Tavros. Tavros looked down, slowly realizing there was nobody holding him up anymore.  
     “I… I’m… standing. I’m standing!!” Tavros shouted excitedly. His legs were still wobbly, his muscles unaccustomed to being used. Rufioh, Magnolia, and Sam all cheered a little, hugging Tavros. It was more than surreal.

 

     Tavros was told to rest that day, but he also made a point to message Equius and thank him. Something else was pressing on his mind, but Tavros was still a little delusional from the anesthesia and the small amount of painkillers he’d been given, ‘just in case’. Karkat! That was right, he meant to message Karkat.

 

adiosToreador [AT] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

 

AT: hey karkat  
AT: i know you’re probably getting a lot of messages  
AT: i just wanted to apologize  
CG: Don’t give me that bullshit, ‘sorry for your loss’ speech I’ve been getting from every single person in town who doesn’t actually give a shit  
CG: My dad knew a LOT of people  
CG: But none of them actually give a shit about me or Kankri or Dessie  
CG: They just say it to alleviate some of their guilt  
AT: no, i mean  
AT: yeah, i am sorry for your loss  
AT: like genuinely i feel really bad about it  
CG: Yeah, could have fooled me  
CG: You know, the one time I ask for ANYTHING from my friends, from you guys  
CG: It was to show up to my fucking dad’s goddamn funeral  
AT: well  
AT: that’s what i meant  
AT: i was messaging you to apologize for not showing up  
AT: but i was in my operation  
CG: Right.  
CG: Guess I’m the asshole here now  
AT: no you’re allowed to be upset  
AT: and i would have rescheduled if i could  
AT: i know you’re not the sentimental type and we’re not really close  
AT: but i’m here for you if you want to talk  
CG: Yeah, well,  
CG: Thanks  
CG: Sorry I’m being kind of a dick about it.  
AT: it’s okay  
AT: i think i would be acting the same way  
CG: Tavros, you couldn’t be an asshole if you tried.  
CG: Anyway, I have to go.

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] has ceased pestering adiosToreador [AT]

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bluh these parts take me forever to write. At this rate I won't stop writing Homestuck fanfiction until 2020. Some dialogue came from this page: http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=006739


	15. Graduation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another year, over.

The last few weeks of the school year finished without too much further hullabaloo, though it did take everyone some getting used to, seeing Tavros without his wheelchair. Rufioh’s senior prom came and went- he seemed to have fun, despite the lingering awkwardness whenever he saw Horuss- and then the year was over. Rufioh came out of his room, fiddling with his graduation cap.   
“Blue just isn’t my color,” he muttered, walking over to the mirror.   
Magnolia smiled. “I think you look great.”  
“Of course you do, Mom.” Rufioh smiled.   
“I can’t believe you’re moving out.”  
“Me either,” Rufioh muttered. Tavros smiled at his brother.  
“You’ll do fine, Ruf,” Tavros said. He hugged him. It was really weird, being able to hug people properly. To be on his own two feet. Sam had insisted they hang on to the wheelchair, just in case, and Tavros didn’t want to argue with that, but he definitely hoped he didn’t need it again.

Sam managed to round everyone up, and get them in the car. Rufioh was antsy. Anyone would be, Tavros thought, on the way to high school graduation. Tavros himself couldn’t believe his freshman year was over, and so much had happened. He felt bad for Karkat and Kankri, that their father wouldn’t see them even graduate high school. But Karkat seemed to be in better spirits, or, at least back to how he was before. Karkat was never in high spirits, that’s just how he was.   
All the families sat together at the graduation ceremony, so Tavros got to be with his friends. It felt unbelievably good to stand with them. When Rufioh’s name was called, after Damara but before Meenah, Tavros stood with his parents and cheered for him. He couldn’t get over the fact that he was standing. Standing, and walking, and… happy. He felt just as much excitement as he imagined Rufioh was feeling, standing on the field below as the graduating Class of Skaia High threw their caps in the air, the white and blue mirroring the sky. Rufioh turned to the audience and waved at Tavros, giving him a wide grin. Tavros grinned, too, and waved back. Things were only beginning for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Postnotes- Rufioh went to a four-year university, where he entered the Exotic Animal Training and Management program. Tavros ended up dating Vriska for a while through their sophomore and junior years (after John broke up with her) but she didn't treat him right so he broke up with her (like in Act 6, when he leaves the pirate ship- I was originally going to have that scene in Chapter 14 but the timing felt off.)
> 
> Again, this is more of an epilogue than a real chapter.


End file.
